Gentlemen it pains me to report that Maroon 5 does not suck.

Boy, this happens every now and then and it makes things complicated. It would be so much simpler if huge commercial phenomena would be consistent in sucking instead of doing so 99% of the time. I went through this with coldplay and Radiohead, too.

Don't get me wrong- these guys will probably not move popular music out of the red on the suck-ometer. That would require a few things that I, for example, would provide if anyone gave a fuck about my brilliance. They would need to:

A) Sing about the war. Y'know? In Iraq? Like, now? This across-the-board ignoring of social and political issues in pop music is really fucking bugging me. I guess it's because the time between getting a record deal and releasing the record is so long that anything topical is ancient history by the time it comes out. And social commentary test-markets really badly.

B) Drop the uptempo funk stuff. Just be a total makeout band. They rule on the smoldering stuff and on the guitar pop, but "Harder To Breathe" and "This Love" are not their strongest suit. They sure are huge hits, so there's that, but so was that hideous twat Ashley Tampon's shit. I could see these guys putting out a more Marvin Gayeish, more Al Greenish record.

C) Be a little less boring. When they hit it, like on "She Will Be Loved" and "Sunday Morning", they hit it hard. I might not have listened enough (come on, it's not "London Calling") but several songs seem to just sort of slip by.

D) Continue your lessons at the feet of Stevie Wonder. They are bearing fruit.

Some of the other songs are quite good; "Must Get Out" would slay me if I was 15, and "Secret" sounds like someone got their hands on a copy of "Talking Book". So does "Sweetest Goodbye". Would that _that_ happened more often.

Anyway, I dig the interplay, I dig the acoustic piano and real keyboards, I dig the expensive chords that issue henceforth, I dig the melodic gift of whoever writes the songs, and "She Will Be Loved" is an admirable piece of work. The singer is very good and isn't a pussy about having an emotion or two. People are really fucking weird about that on the radio these days, like expressing emotion will mean less Geico insurance will be sold.

Yay, Maroon 5! I?ll be waiting for your next record in, like, 2008.