A Rumination On The Lord's Day

Hey, baby jeezis- do you really hate homos? It just sorta doesn't make sense. I mean, I could see you hating rich people or CEO's. But hating homos just seems weird. Maybe you just hate the ones that use their predilection to make money on T.V.? Is that it? Like those catty hairdresser to the stars ones that are always talking smack on those stupid VH1 shows? I could see you hating those. I kind of hate them. Not in a burning-effigies-on-their-lawn sort of way, but just sorta the way I hate everyone else on VH1. Do you hate those homos, baby jeebus?

It just doesn't make sense that you'd hate regular upstanding homos. I mean, they don't use birth control, right? You hate the birth control from what I understand. You seem to hate all kinds of stuff from the way I hear it told down here these days. You seem to be one major-league hater from what your Anointed would have us believe. You hate this, you hate that. You must be pissed all the time like me.

But see, I'm not baby jeezis. And see, I don't even hate homos. Some I really like. Some of them call me cute and are all nice to me and make me feel attractive and that's more than I can say for most women, y'know? So am I s'posed to hate people that are all nice to me? I can't muster it, baby jeezis. Am I going to hell? For not being able to hate homos?

You know what I hate, baby jeebus? I hate th' fucking people that are all on about you all the time and how you hate this and you hate that and how you disapprove of just about fucking everything. And they use you like alcohol or like drugs. They use you as a substitution for the things that really float their boats.

And you know what, baby jeezis? They're usually really, really stupid people. They're all "buh-huh-huh I hate this and I hate that...buh-huh..." and they're all "...these people suck and those people suck buh-huh-huh..."

I mean, I do that too but a)the people I hate suck (politicians, the ultra-rich, the Bush Administration and Cult Members, everyone on VH1 and that's about it) and b) I don't try to make public policy out of it. And I'm not all "buh-huh-huh..." I just fucking say it and that's that.

I don't know where I got the "buh-huh-huh..." thing but it just seems like something stupid people would say. "Buh-huh-huh..."

What's going to happen, baby jeezis? What's to become of all of us? Where's it all going baby jeezis? Do you love America more than those Godless camel jockeys over in Eye-rack? Are you on our side? Did you make the Red Sox win? Does God love analog or digital? Are you guys all having a big party for the Pope right now with hookers and blow? Do you put some in your cigarette or are you strictly an up-the-nose guy?

Are we going to be O.K., baby Jeebus? Are we? Are we going to make it? Or is it Lake-Of-Fire time? Or is it Land-o-Lakes time? Did you invent that trick with the Indian girl on the box where you fold it and make it look like her knees are her boobies? Are we going to make it? Am I going to make it, baby jeezis? Am I going to be O.K. again someday?

You don't know, do you?

Bobby Going-To-Hell Along With All The Bhuddists Lightfoot

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know, Bobby. I know.

4:20 PM  
Blogger Bobby Lightfoot said...

Are you...are you...could it be...

8:47 PM  

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