Andy Partridge: Awesome Songwriting Pope

So here's the deal. The Pope is dead. Now they hafta do this thing where all these Cardinals and Orioles get together and read tea leaves and animal guts and choose the new Pope. Do we get a say? Fuck no. And then when they figure it out a Yellow Bellied Sapsucker comes down the Vatican steps and he says "habemus Papa", and they do this shit with white smoke or some crap. Maybe there's a human sacrifice or something. Do I know? What do I know? Huh? Last time they drew Popestraws I was playing Matchbox cars. Last time they played rock-scissors-pope I was learning how to spank it. And learn I did! I'm among the bestest!

I think we should have a say in who will be Pope. I'm going to put a few people out there and see if anybody catches on. What the fuck do I have to lose, eh? Eh?

'Kay, I think Andy Partridge from XTC would be a bitchin' Pope. He's in his 50's so he's all wise and shit, he's pretty bald so he looks all official. He's a white male so people won't be all, "aaaahhhh...ah....ahhhhh.....", and he writes a mean fuckin' pop tune.

Andy would rather eat glass than believe in any lame-ass religion, so he'd be a really impartial Pope. That could be good. I think that could be O.K. You know he's not going to be doing this uber-stupid "no birth control in the Third World" shit. Yeah, that makes a lot of fucking sense. While we're at it why don't we ban oxygen, huh? That's be about as smart. And no more fucking eating. Eating is a sin. Boy, that confession line sure is movin' fast in Ethiopa, huh, John Paul Ringo the VIII???? Genius. Genius. Thems some good Cath'licks right there, huh Hen-e-ry the VIIIth I am I am?

So whaddya guys say? Andy Partridge for Pope? My brother Neddie Jingo at byneddiejingo.blogspot.com knows him personally so I'll get him to ask next time they chat. I bet he'd be up for it. I mean, it is 2005 and he is one of the world's most brilliant songwriters so it's not like he's in much demand. You see I'm not putting Rob Thomas or Kanye West up there, since they suck so they're all busy and shit.

Andy Partridge- Awesome Songwriting Pope.