Traffic Alert

All right, we all know that this little symbol exists to warn other drivers that this is an unusually bad, slow and dangerous driver. It's not just me, right? I mean, I see a fuckin' yellow ribbon and I select an alternate route right there yo.

I don't see how fucking rearending people or pulling right out in front of 'em is supposed to support our troops. If I end up on fucking life support that's 4 quadrillion dollars that ain't gonna be going to armor and shit, so I don't get it.

You see one of these fucking warnings, trust me. Pull over and wait.

NOW. Here's another warning for you cautious, defensive motorists. Feast your eyes on this shit: remember it. It's important that you remember it:

This little symbol means: "Watch out. I have an Audi and I'm going to plow it into a fucking utility pole any god damn minute now."

Why Audi drivers? What the fuck do I know? Huh? I didn't decide it. I'm just tryin' to look out for the regular Joe, you know?

Now, I'm sure if you own an Audi you're skewing the statistics away from the norm. I'm sure you drive juuuust fine. But, my friend, your vehicular compatriots are killing, killing, killing. Can you maybe have a word with them?

Because they drive like they're impaled on the fucking gear shift and they're twisting slowly on it, you know? And I do mean slowly.

And that's my fucking PSA for the god damn day.