10/11/2005

Below We Have A (Fucking) Prototypical Lightfoot Post.

1) Title must have curse word and sound all outraged.
2) Upshot of post makes zero sense, but is poisoned with righteous indignation.
3) Convincing case is made for smashing the state or fixing your brainwashed head.
4) Hidden in body of text are subtle and not-so-subtle indications that feelings of profound self-loathing and powerlessness might be actual source of endless anger and frustration.
5) Tone of post is so completely doused in irony and post-mod sarcasm that it is almost impossible to glean where the truth begins and the humor ends.
6) The case is often made that if the reader doesn't "free his/her head" according to th' tenets of Lightfoot and resist the responsibilities of modern adult life they are simply shills.
7) Valuable lessons are nonetheless imparted.

Oh, and as a later afterthought I should probably add:

8) Care is taken to adopt a consistent voice that achieves an effect of "realness" through mangled metaphors, stutterings, lots 'a' hyphenatin' and a general tone of wearyness and bungling contempt. Misspelled words are often left in place and serve as an opportunity for Lightfoot to engage in his beloved pastime of berating himself. A contempt for the very language of contempt is a constant, illustrated by the author's abuse of syntax and general smacking-about of the written word.

9) Physical Malady Humor: This is a constant on The Orchestra Of Sweet Regret, and is generally invoked in pieces involving politics or more often those ding-busted Christers. In particular, any Christers that are associated with Wimpole Street. Lightfoot is relentless with the Wimpole Street Christers, because for him they are a metaphor for the babyjesusing of America. Physical malady humor involves various complaints regarding the torso, the organs or the crotchal area that are brought on by the stress of idiocy et. al.

The more obscure and ridiculous the body part (i.e. "sacroiliac", "Isles of Langerhans") the more likely it is to be thus put to use.

4 Comments:

Blogger XTCfan said...

Jesus, Bobby! Give away your secrets, why don't ya. Now we're going to have OoSR knockoffs all over the goddamned place...

avzhf

6:27 PM  
Blogger Kevin Wolf said...

"...where the truth begins and the humor ends..."

This is the serpent feeding on itself. These are the two poles that are actually in the same place.

Or as a wise man once said, "We laugh at things because they're funny and we laugh at things because they're true."

7:20 PM  
Blogger Nobody said...

Oooh, I want to write one now!

>Hidden in body of text are subtle >and not-so-subtle indications >that feelings of profound self->loathing and powerlessness might >be actual source of endless anger >and frustration.

Hey wait a second, that's *my* blog's turf! Get your own ideas!

9:23 PM  
Blogger Pinko Punko said...

well I do kind of get pissed because there always seems to be a point, even when it is subliminal. it's the appearance of talent. it cannot be covered up with infantile humor. except infantile humor makes it better!

11:59 PM  

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