10/24/2005

Bpbby Lightfoot's Greatest Hits #6: Hello, Ladies. I'm Karl Rove And I Want You To Picture Me Fucking You.


That's right, angel cakes. Just you and me and some late-period Journey. "Don't stop believin'..."
Oh, I'd be good for you, prissie missie. I got some fat, bald, hairy flappy-assed love for you, li'l saddlepal. That's right, saddlelpal. Check it-

I'm hovering over you in the candlelight, my fat gross paunch nestled against your stomach. I've got that white gunk at the corners of my mouth and my glasses are on cockeyed. I'm all red with exertion and I keep saying, "yeah, babe-uh, yeah, babe-uh..." just like that. Not "baby": "Bay-buh."

I feel like a stale Twizzler inside you, ain't it good, bay-buh? You like that white lic'rish, don't ya, punkin? You like what Little Carl is teaching you. Don't act like you don't. I know you're my little girl, punkin. I know that fwumping 230 pounds against you sort of overshadows any motion in th' ocean if you know what ah'm sayin', but I can tell you love, love, love it. Been a while since you had a REAL man, ain'tent it?

My tits are bigger than yours and a lot sweatier. Don't the piercings make 'em sexy? Tug 'em with your teeth. Oh, yeah, you hussy. Yeah, that's it bay-buh. Kiss me. Kiss me Kate. Have some of that white mouth-corner gunk. Uncle Karl's gonna tell you aaaall his secrets tonite, sugar cookie. Fwap fwap fwap. It's all you, bay-buh. It's aaall about you tonight.

Boy, I bet you feel a lot more well disposed towards your husband right now.

A Public Service from Bobby Lightfoot registered trademark.

Pepsi

GlaxoSmith Welcome

Kaiser Permanente

Hershey

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh boy ... the bigget mistake of the day came when I read this at 8:34 am Eastern Time. My stomach is churning ... my head is pounding ... my intestines feel like they're being squeezed through the rollers on a old washing machine. Ugh!

Bobby, it's unfortunate that you have a way with words as I was able to grasp a visual of this and it has absolutely ruined my day. I think I need to come home from work. I'm feeling oh so sick! Everthing about that man is revolting. Ohhhh ... the white stuff on the corners of his mouth. Yuck!!!!

Enough! No more! I can't take it! Have mercy!

gyrjf

Lori Lightfoot

8:40 AM  
Blogger XTCfan said...

I'm thinking Bobby's work here is done ... no matter what he looks or smells like, Lori will thank her lucky stars it's him she's doing the horizontal two-step with, rather than ol' Karl...


qiveik!

9:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yep ... his work is done. I am extremely thankful that I've got Bobby. He always looks hot and smells nice.

I must however appologize for going off on my nauseous rant. The visual was simply too much! Besides, I had just finished eating yogurt and the white stuff on his mouth reminded me of what was left on my spoon.

Bottom line, Karl is a double bagger. One for him and one for his partner just in case his falls off. As a precaution, the partner should secure their bag with a bit of duct tape about the neck to ensure that theirs doesn't fall off.

rwvjww

Lori Lightfoot

11:29 AM  
Blogger XTCfan said...

Lori, I'm thinking a thick, durable plastic bag should be used on Karl, with plenty of duct tape around the neck. That just might solve the problem for good, ya know?

hroaf!

2:12 PM  
Blogger res publica said...

Fuck I haven't laughed that hard at anything online in like...I dunno, ever.

1:25 AM  

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