so this dude goes back to 1928 in a time machine...

...and he goes to Germany and pops a cap in Hitler's fuckin' ass.

Problem is, Hilter survives and is nursed back to health by a kindly old Jewish doctor and his kind family. So Hitler changes his tune about the whole Final Solution thing and instead becomes a big, dishy midwife with a lisp and lives to be 90.

So the guy who capped his ass is stuck in jail for life and he's all, "the guy was going to start a world war and kill millions of innocent people and fuck all this shit up." And the German police and shit are all like, "Ja, ja, ach du lieber...You're up for parole in like 25 years arschloch."

Then in like 25 years he gets out on parole and goes to England and starts The Beatles. But the Beatles suck because the social conditions that bred them are all different and they're like total fairies and wet. Their songs are all gay because Liverpool never had to take a pounding from the Loofthansa. And Brian Epstein is straight and gets them into wedding work 'cause that's where the money is and they get to be 40 and they're all "what about _our_ songs, man? The world needs to know the music of Lennon and McCartney! But it's Disco by then and they cut these really hurting disco songs with George Harrison playing bad Carl Perkins guitar.

Also since they're kind of wet they never fired Pete Best so he's still lameing around and he does all this blow.

But at least John gets to be 73. And George is such a poof that he never smoked ciggies or weed and he doesn't gett offed but rawther lives to 90 and still gets into the Indian shit only no one cares.

And Paul ends up starting a chain of hairdressing salons around Liverpool and a new one out in Speke, and he has six kids. John (and Stuart Sutcliffe who also doesn't die 'cause he never gets kicked by teddies because he's too much of a limper) do this weak ass Elvis band thing at weddings and collect dole.

Rory Storm and the Hurricanes, on the other hand, with Ringo on the skins, ascend to international stardom and lead a world youth movement that ignites a generation......

and thus is born Hurricanemania.

And 20 years later, they still have the Travelling Wilberrys but they're the Wandering Pillsburys and it's Roy Orbison, Bob Dylan (who never went electric), Phil Collins and the singer from Chicago and Rory Storm on fretless balalaika and tiple.


I was going to put a picture of the guy here but I did a search for "old guy with moptop haircut" and nothing came up so sorry.