The Most Useless Thing In The World Right Now: Fucking Neptune

Neptune! Jesus! What a hole! God damn Neptune is one crummy planet! It looks all pretty and words like "cerulean" and "azure" come to mind but trust me, Neptune SUCKS. While I've never been there I've read that the atmosphere is like pure lizard fart and the whole place is just this bubbling crudhole! Take it from me, you're not going to see Ware River Club at Bishop's Lounge if you're on Neptune! Not Saturday, not Monday, man. There's about as much good live rock 'n' roll on Neptune as there was in Rhode Island the week after the Great White Barbecue. Or before, since about 1993.

See, there's no rock 'n' roll on Neptune. Trust me, Neptune sucks. Let me put it this way: number of instances of folks like you and me having a great time on Neptune in 2004: 0.

You want to be in a place like that? Is that what you're all about? Check it out- number of instances of well-executed oral pleasure taking place on Neptune in 2004: 0.

That how you want to live? I don't want to live like that. I mean, I have a great time every now and then here on Earth. When I can Forget for a moment. Usually when I have a great time there's this weird, alcohol taste in my mouth. How ya gonna explertain that? And it becomes more pronounced with each glerbitron of great timeness that accumulates in the Meta Reactor.
How you gonna wrap that up in a bow?

Fucking Neptune! Don't take it from me! Look at the numbers!

Neptune: The Most Useless Thing in The World Right Now.

Wait, never mind- Neptune isn't in the world. I take it back.

Fuck that. I'll take it back tomorrow. Along with everything else. That'll be my Baby Jene Crupus sweepaway for this lovely stupid week.

Neptune: The Most Useless Thing Not in The World Right Now.


Anonymous Mark said...


11:52 AM  

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