"A Greasy, Bilious Old Pervert"

Is how one wag describes Santa Claus.

Thank god it's not the time of year where that cretinous old shitstain drags his ass around ripping everyone off and raising the price of fucking gas. What an asshole. Stocks plummet, shitty plastic crap goes on everyone's shelves that they built watching that home improvement show with the talented homosexuals. Those homosexuals are so TALENTED. Much moreso that those stiff, boxy breedin' folk. The straights are just all elbows and they can't nancy about for crap.

Is it time to dare speak of The International Homosexual Financial Conspiracy?

And what does the International Homosexual Financial Conspiracy have to do with Santa Claus? Well, can't you guess?

My friend Sean used to apply for minority scholarships as a "Norwegian American". Is that just a large hoot?

Anyway- Santa. Oh, I need a shower. A shower. The evil is rank in the very air. And danker than a Londonderry Aire. They should take a couple of divisions off Osama duty over there and set 'em to hunting this slippery, evil lizard of a man. They should run him to ground and do all of us an immeasurable favor: Norelco shaver with desponsable sex aid tip? Sixty eight dollars. Vacation in Burma in the arms of two ultraskilled sex professionals: 8 thousand dollars. Letting a company of th' Hunnerd and Twirst open up on Santa with armorplated automatic ordnance: priceless. Priceless, indeed. A gift beyond measure.

One day we'll tire of it, the fucking tyranny, the oppression at the hands of this white-whiskered weaselly crapstain from up North. One day we might actually man up and do what our parents would have done if they'd actually loved us instead of simply tolerating us until we were old enough to abandon, namely a summary public execution of this wiley old child molester and notorious traitor.

Let's run Santa to ground. For the sake of god damn freedom loving people everywhere. God damn it. Let's give our children a gift our parents denied us.