Yeah, Here's My Fifth Anniversary of 9/11 Post.

There's something that's slipped my mind with all the changes afoot, man. All the tryin' to stay one step ahead of th' Orwellian 1 percenters, you know? Th' Roves, th' Ashcrofts, all the rest of the coterie of assholes with whom we are so amply blessed in these Interesting Times. All these chickenhawk psycho lying shit heads who have delivered unto th' terrorists everything they could possibly have hoped by dignifying them with a War of their own? Man, are they assholes. Utter assholes.

But the thing that's easy to forget is the dudes that flew th' planes were bigger assholes even. Can you imagine? Can you imagine what an utter abject dick you'd have to be to be a bigger asshole than George Bush? A bigger asshole than Dick Cheney? Fuck, is that a tall, tall order indeed. I mean, you'd have to be like a disciple of th' Asshole Yoda for 20 years to be a bigger asshole than fuckin' Donald Rumsfeld.

Those fucking dudes that flew the planes into the trade towers were some serious, black belt ASSHOLES. Trying to fuckin' talk to one of them would have made talking to some freak cult member Christian seem almost pleasant. And that, my friends, is bad. When you'd rather talk to someone who thinks apples are made of apple atoms and bookshelves are made of wood atoms? Woah!

So, what I'm sort of driving at here is that let's be all peace-loving and all that and let's all go out in th' snow and hold hands and take a shit and that but let's remember what a bunch of assholes these foreskins were.

Not Muslim, not Arab, not this, not that. Not "soldiers". Just assholes.
These fuckin' 9/11 dudes were like that.

Fuckin' Moussaui. Yeah, I know that dildo didn't ride but he's still a putz. Look at him. You know he is fully into gangsta and porno. Which Christ knows is A-O.K. but you can't be all Pat Robertson about this shit and then kill 3000 people as a statement against it.

That's what these assholes were; total cocks. I say fuck 'em. They're all the fucking same to me. They're the dickhead 20-year olds that still hang out at their high school. Except they've got this whole 40 Virgins thing. Hey, that would be a fine band name, eh? 40 Virgins.

And the fact that, at the end of the day, they can exceed even Th' Mighty Neocons as Kings Of Asshole-hood (if by a hair) tells you a thing or two about the absolute mastery, the virtuosity of these guy's assholeness.

I say let's all raise a glass to fact that these douchebags are now but a handful of molecules bouncing around th' upper atmosphere, doing no more damage than a pebble of sand bouncing off an elephant's hide.

And now let's dry our fucking tears and get on with it. And try to get th' world back to good old Totally Fucked instead of this.


Blogger Kevin Wolf said...

Even with these turds wiping themselves off the map, there's still too many assholes around.

Why is that?

9:36 AM  
Blogger teh l4m3 said...

Me thinks America needs to borrow Lara Flynn Boyle's anal bleaching kit and some Preparation H.

12:02 PM  
Blogger helmut said...

70 virgins. That makes all the diff.

10:03 PM  
Blogger Bobby Lightfoot said...

Man, I just cain't keep up with inflation.

Or would that be exemplified by 40 *fat* virgins?

10:09 PM  
Blogger teh l4m3 said...

What is it with multiple women? I mean, a guy only has one pole.

See, I get a girl who wants two or three or more guys -- she's got several orofices, some of which can accommodate more than one babymaker. She's got options galore. But what's a guy gonna do with all that poonanny at once??? Fingers? Please...

12:15 AM  
Blogger Bobby Lightfoot said...

Yes, yes. Incisive reasoning I have no doubt.

Also, if they're all dwelling together in some Elysian harem, all their periods are going to synch up so the only remaining advantage of staggering them is rendered moot.

2:11 AM  
Blogger Employee of the Month said...

and to crib Dennis Leary, why would I want virgins? I'd prefer someone who knew what they were doing. sheesh.

5:53 PM  
Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

I personally don't think those guys on the plane were bigger assholes than Dum Dum. The reason I say that is because they needed the money and they were brainwashed. You don't go kill like that unless your are brainwashed and your family is promised something. Assholes like more of a show and to live to tell the tale. They knew there would be no tale to be told from their mouths.

Dum Dum on the other hand is a rich fuck who kills anyone with a possible WMD and Cheney just shoots at you if you're around when he's hunting.

I know many will disagree, but I still think those Washington cobags are bigger assholes.

8:21 PM  
Blogger Highlander said...

Fuck. I had this brilliant post and the goddam browser ate it. Fuck.

4:10 PM  

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