"Kielbasa" by Tenacious D

Dog, it wasn't when I got walked all th' crap over by those record execs that I realized I wasn't to be. Nah, that was the easy part. That was like those little baby cornz in chinese food- just for texture. That didn't really bug me that much aside from giving me th' Impossibility Syndrome. That's this thing I have.

And it totally wasn't when fiction played our "space rock opera" mini-opus live for the first time at th' Mint in Hollywood and it was like the best thing in rock ever and everyone knew it and everyone knew we never had a prayer. Which was one of the best things about it. Dude, music that doesn't have a prayer is more commodifiably poignant. registered TM.

And it wasn't when I first saw Johnny's band (see post below) The Answer with Greg Ordzurk on drums and they were so good and christ I hadn't even smoked up first and they were still that amazing. Actually, wait- oh, I had. But shit, man. They were like The Police if The Police were more about drugs and 13/7 punk-prog jams than they were about lucre.

Nay, 'twasnt even the moment I first listened to Rufus' Poses and realized that yet again my thunder had been stolen, and stolen by someone far more beautiful than I. Or the time the producer in LA was all over my shit and I somehow managed to fatally insult him on th' phone. Or when I played piano for Tiny Tim but he refused to tune his ukelele and I was a quarter-tone away and had to mime the whole show after shedding for days.

Or when I realized there's a moment that's your best moment and it usually comes way, way too motherfuckin' soon. And then when you're dying you're like fuck, I always thought I'd have a better pole smokin' moment than that shit and now I have to discorporate and mind you it'll hurt.

No, it was none of these or countless other heartaches. No, it was nothing so prettily prosaic as any of these little winges.

It was when I first heard "Kielbasa" by Tenacious D.

I've never felt like that, man. Like I might as well just stay the motherfucking christ in bed. "Fuck Her Gently" is no picnic either.

Shit is just that good.


Anonymous benmudfureva said...

it don't do me da ways it doos you
but here's it fur da ears it may do


1:33 AM  
Blogger Kevin Wolf said...

Saw these guys at some club on Landsdown St in Boston. Fun show. But the movie that's about to come out will probably blow.

7:34 AM  
Blogger Neddie said...


I couldn't get "Kielbasa" out of my head for months. Jack Black's "Fuck, yeah!" right when the band explodes in the coda makes life worth living.

11:52 AM  
Blogger Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

The D rocks!

1:33 PM  
Blogger Bobby Lightfoot said...


you will be amply rewarded for your public service with many quality suckoffs by toothless angels in hebbin.


you know it'll suck. Maybe th' soundtrack will rip I bet.

nidd- dude, again- you gave me this fuckin' CD.

See, the part that kills me also is that great middle eight that sounds just like Nirvana (oh, yeah- 'cause it's Grohl) meets G 'n' R.-

Dianetics cure ya much better than Krishna,
Dianetics cure ya much better indeed,
And all you people here you're tremendous,
(Except the people in the middle),
And you're smokin' up a big-ass bowl of weed
With me, me and KG.
All right!

Oh, my fucking god. THEN HE HITS WITH TH' "FUCK, YEAH!"

OH, it's so good. It's so good. See what I'm saying? jesus I'm going to pump fucking gas now.

AND THEN IT'S "TRIBUTE"!!! F-f-fuck.
Oh, my fucking christ.


Oh, it's happening on SO MANY LEVELS. There are so many, so many jokes in every single inflection. And the whole idea of "Tribute". Oh, Christ. I have to do a POST ON EVERY MOTHERFUCKING SONG NOW.


Motherfucking WORD, malchick.

7:45 PM  
Blogger Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

"OH, THEY STILL BELIEVE. BUT PART OF LOVING ROCK IS HATING IT TOO. ... There are so many, so many jokes in every single inflection."

Yeah, you nailed it there. I was howling when I heard their Dio tribute song -- not sure if it's on that album, though.

12:24 PM  
Blogger roxtar said...

Zappa pioneered that loving it/hating it thing.

4:17 PM  
Blogger The Viscount LaCarte said...

Funny. Me and 'fan were just talking about this record. I love it. Couple months after it came out - I hadn't heard it and 'fan sent me a copy. Said - "Just put it on on the way to work and crank it up." The funny thing was - I liked it immediately - before I knew that it was funny. There are so many great things about that track - the ones you mentioned (and Ned) and also the mixture of acoustic guitar and electric wah wah. And Jack's singing.

I made a sly reference to "One Note Song" over at th'hill a couple issues back but besides 'fan and Ned I'm not sure anyone else got it.

I'm hoping you guys are wrong about the movie.

Bobby, tell the story about the fatal insult. Tell the really long version if you can. I have a feeling about it.

7:36 PM  
Blogger Bobby Lightfoot said...

Dude, it's only been th' last few weeks that I've been truly able to begin to understand the Power of th' D.

*You sit in your tower...*

I don't know if I can really make sense of th' producer on the phone in '93. He loved the Mr. Sherwood album, citing its general "Mitch Easterishness". He mentioned that he was working with Phil Collins and I think that's where it went south. See, I had assumed he was an up-and-comer like me since he'd even bothered to get in touch with someone without a big CV.

so I was all "wow, that's great, how'd you get the gig" and all supportive about it and I guess maybe he was some huge dude that I should've heard of but hadn't.

Which seems wierd because you know how I rattle off th' names the way I do. And what gauge string Andy Summers uses and all that.

So, bottom line, I think he was insulted that I a)not only didn't know who he was but b) as a result of that maybe didn't treat him with the reverence he felt he rated.

Or maybe I told tourette's jokes and his brother had it.

We'll never know! Woah!

What's the feeling? Maybe we can save it.

12:12 AM  
Blogger The Viscount LaCarte said...

So, bottom line, I think he was insulted that I a)not only didn't know who he was but b) as a result of that maybe didn't treat him with the reverence he felt he rated.

What a shitbag he must have been.

I thought you were going to say:

"Phil Collins? That wankaaaaa?"

Wouldn't it be fun to back to that moment knowing the future and saying something like this guy I used to work with at the bowling alley used to say? He once said to the boss (after he was out of earshot)

"Snort my anal sphincter muscle" and he didn't say "Did I say that!"

10:32 PM  

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