Pimp My Rhodes

Pressing different combinations of buttons unlocks th' secrets of Love.

Yeah, I wanted to do a blog on th' Great Rhodes Refurbishing of '06 but I of course wanted to Lightfootize it in some manner or another so I wouldn't just be another polesmoking consumer buttfuck all worked up about some piece of fucking metal and wood like every other pissant Crap obsessed dickweed I'm forced to share th' Road Of Life With. with.

I'm thinking I'll take a bigass cucumber and shove it down some tight jeans and have my crotch in every shot, Spinal Tap style. See, that'd be funny but, well, it would be coals to Newcastle if you get m'druft. Girlish titter.

So phuck it- I'm just going to have to suck it up and realize that I'm just another cheesy middle-aged putz in his little shed licking his finger and rubbing on some piece of consumer bullshit to wipe away an unsightly moist spot that I created in a fit of Consumer Moneyshotting. Just a fruitnut, y'know? Just like any other douchebag with a "honk again I'm reloading" bumpersticker in th' geerage under th' hood of my 73 Corvette. Tre middle class, daddy.

Difference is I've done lots, lots lots more drugs.

You have to admit it looks pretty hot, though. When I climb onto them boards and get behind this little betty ain't nobody gonna think I'm stopping off on the way to a bowling game, man. It was quite a job and a bit more expensive than I would have liked, and it'll just get torn to shit in like three days but that's life. Then I can redo it in orange or lime-green or some shit. Or snake skin.

Th' wood case was pretty well pocked from twenty-seven years on this planet so there was plenty of sanding and applications of wood filler and all that. Lori sprang for the not-inexpensive new black hardware for my early birthday and I got a new front logo which sparkles like, well, like a new piece of '73 Corvette trim.

Wouldn't you know I also made a matching padded dolly that th' thing rests and rolls in. So maybe it won't get all fucked up for like a week. My little deuce coupe.

Jesus added to show scale.

First thing I wonder when I see a Rhodes set up with th' lid on: how many pounds of weed have been cleaned on this surface since 1974?

Stop jacking off and play a song on me.

The lid must also be covered in- and out. The top part is a latched compartment for the legs and all that.

Cherry Twizzler Red, I call it.

Sal Th' Feist sez just wait 'til I add a fragrant coiler.


Blogger Employee of the Month said...

Needs flaming skulls with dice and playing cards graphics, and snakeskin and leopard and ostrich skin because everything in Las Vegas must be decorated in this fashion - drum kits, pick-up truck gates and day-care centers. Its the Law!

10:41 PM  
Blogger Bobby Lightfoot said...

OSTRICH SKIN. Yeah!!! And EYEBALLS. Flaming EYEBALLS. And th' skulls have SNAKES crawling through the eye sockets.

Jesus dude, suddenly I feel very small.

10:52 PM  
Blogger Employee of the Month said...

Loved the Jesus fer scale.

When we travel my son brings along a comedy rubber chicken - for scale.

Petronas Towers, Mt. Rushmore, the Yangtze River, Tower of London, etc - all photgraphed with helpful rubber chicken for scale.

11:29 PM  
Anonymous brentmeister general said...

Nice carpet, dude.

4:54 AM  
Blogger roxtar said...

It's a clean machine.

5:17 AM  
Blogger Sticky said...

It don't matter that you're just another polesmoking consumer buttfuck; all them other bastards is still just fuckin' jealous!

By the way, you still pinin' fer that Harriet broad you was talkin' 'bout back a spell? I seen them fuckers too, back in the early 90s. 'Course I banged her backstage after the show, but that revelation shouldn't come as no surprise. Man o' man, can that gal sing, but she was really singin' later that night, when I came a knockin' at her backstage door.

If ya know what I mean.

12:33 PM  
Blogger fgfdsg said...

I haven't seen one of these since high school. I've forgotten just how damn *big* they are. I wouldn't have room for one in my house. Nah, scratch that - do I really need a dining table?

Fantastic job on the recon, though i'm worried that th' Feist will think it's a Fire Hydrant.

I love the glimpse of Lightfoot Studios. I'm feeling emasculated by comparison to my own feeble setup.

5:16 PM  
Blogger Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

I thought Jesus fer Scale was funny, too -- but also funny because you even HAD that Jesus around! Sal must be a superdog... Did he jump up there on his own?

7:52 PM  
Blogger fgfdsg said...

Check out the Rhodes on this track.

After 30+ years my sister *still* sings, 'Milk, Milk, Milk'.

9:34 PM  
Blogger Kevin Wolf said...

May we hear you running some scales and explaining the sound and in general some sort of aural documentary about this instrument? That would be cool.

1:08 PM  

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