Things To Do Besides Watching Television

1. Lie down and have someone pour a large pitcher of liquid shit into your mouth.

2. Develop total dependency on heroin. Then you can have Social Interaction with th' Pusherman and th' pigs.

3. See "1".

4. Go knife some Sihks to protect us from terrorism.

5. Start your own reality show: "Life". Film it with your mind's eye.

6. See "1".

7. Abuse an animal.

8. See if you can fuck yourself. Hey, it could happen!

9. Go drinking and driving.

10. Throw yourself in front of a bus.

11. Filet and pan-fry your frontal lobes.


Anonymous Rupert Murdoch said...

You will be Removed.

2:32 PM  
Blogger Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

Couldn't agree more. We hung a large tapestry over ours & haven't switched it on for months (though my daughter watches an occasional DVD still). Funny - you can get a lot of stuff done when you don't watch television.

ps Why are your posts dated in arabic? On my screen, it looks like this: السبت, فبراير

10:20 PM  
Blogger John "I Hate Christmas" Dewey said...

My eyes are so bad that I thought #4 said "Go knife some shrinks to protect us from terrorism" and I thought, wow, that's like so spot-on.

11:27 PM  
Blogger Bobby Lightfoot said...

BSU- dude the arabic stuff is hidden messages to my sleeper cell. SHHHH!
I like th' DVDs.

Not that anything's about what I like.

If it was about what I like there'd be some GODDAMN CHANGES AROUND HERE.

father xmas- kristmas is for kunts. When was th' last time yer got laid on Xmas? Nobody ever gets it on Xmas.

3:17 AM  
Blogger MichaelBains said...

#8 is a cinch, metaphorically at any rate. Even if it don't include #s 9 & 10, it sure makes #11 sound like a helluva fine plan.

10:07 AM  
Blogger Dr. Vector said...

12. Hold a protest to persuade the Berkeley city council to update its foreign policy. Yay!

4:37 AM  
Blogger Dr. Vector said...

13. Stay up waaay past your bedtime composing funny stuff to leave in the comments sections of someone else's blog.

4:39 AM  
Blogger Dr. Vector said...

14. Agonizing over whether your last comment will be received in the self-deprecating spirit that you intended.

4:40 AM  

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