Chris Robinson: Drug-Addled Southern RockPope

Jesus Christ, it really makes me sad that one of the Last of The Decent Rock Stars is now mostly known as whatserface's husband. That is just fucking borking. Borking!! That's awesome. Blog rule #11- when the Keyboard God gives you a new word, you must run with it. Boy, is that borking. Homework is so borking. I'm borked, mom.

Anyway, let's pretend it's some other year than the generally execrable '05 and that Chris Robinson is something other than whatserface's little drugpoodle. Chris Robinson. Boy, that guy has smoked some weed, folks. Take it from The Lightfoot, ladies and gentlemen- that stuff puts you on a higher plane. There is a cosmic journey waiting at the bottom of every bong, and the knowledge unleashed by the Bubbling Cauldron is more than some can handle. Chris Robinson can handle it, my drug-eschewing little 2005 pussy friends. Didn't you ever see the Behind The Music on The Black Crowes? This guy is funny, smart, talented and more drug-addled than Dennis Wilson when he dove to his death searching for jewelry to buy blow.

I think it's time for this kind of Pope. A new kind of Pope. A Pope who isn't afraid of a harmless little hallucination or two. A Carlos Castaneda's Don Juan kinda Pope who can retreat into a room with tinfoil on the walls and come out with some heavy-duty answers to what ails us.

Do you want a Pope who HAS seen God or one who hasn't? THINK ON THAT BEFORE YOU ANSWER. Don't just blurt out some DARE-friendly kneejerk 2005 drugs-are-bad party-line bullshit. Jesus Christ, WHERE DID MY PEOPLE GO? I'M ALL ALONE OUT HERE. ALL FUCKING ALONE. What is WRONG with you people? Next thing, fucking weed will be ILLEGAL. DUDE, WHERE'S MY COUNTRY???

Oh, my God. Do you have any idea how funny that was? I think i just pooped myself.

Chris Robinson- Drug-Addled Southern RockPope.

It's Time For A Change.