Clay Aiken: 37- Year Old Female Lesbian From Northampton, Massachusetts.

That's my theory anyway.

Come on- doesn't that sort of explain things?

Look at that picture. This is the picture of a lesbian. You know it. Don't give me that PC shit. It's chemical, man.

What we have here is a 37-year old lesbian from the town of Northampton. She used to work at this holistic place on Crafts Ave. and she lived with an chick who was a mechanic at Harold's Garage. An chick. What the fuck is that? An chick.

Anyway- so, yeah. She worked at MotherFyre and used to do the lesbian open mics and stuff. I think she opened for Phranc, the jewish lesbian folk singer once at Fire And Water. Crazy, crazy shit. Singing all these '90's MOR ballads at the lesbian open mic. Ha. She did it like karaoke with tracks playing and stuff. It was execreble and everyone but the mechanic girlfriend hated it.

So she goes to American Idol to try out and they think she's a young guy. They think this 37-year old lesbian is a guy. I mean, look at her. He thinks she's a young teenage dude who's a little femmy.

So, the guy asks her what her name is and she's all up in it and thinking he's coming on to her and she says "I hate bacon" and he thinks she said "Clay Aiken" and the foundations for the whole crummy tower are laid. You would shit if you knew how these things come around.

Clay Aiken: 37- Year Old Female Lesbian From Northampton, Massachusetts.