8/29/2005

Nature Is Shitty In Tooth 'n' Claw.














Saw a funny thing today. Better'n I can say for most fuckin' days. Some days I'm forced to make Mick Jagger faces in the mirror for a god damn laugh. Plus it was a Monday, ne-ce'st-pas Brutus? What happens on Monday that's funny? jack doodley shit is what happens on a Monday that's funny. Except when unfortunate things happen to people. That can get a rise outta this karmic crusader. Watching folks float by on houses can be good.

So, I'm watching this spider climb up the outer wall of a building and I figure, hating spiders, that I'll wait 'til it's eye-level and ruin its day with a well-aimed looger. so it scurries on up, and as I'm horking, it stops, its abdomen gives a little heave and the tiniest of miniscule spider poops drops out its ass. Then it clambers on up and out of my astonished view.

Needless to say, I'm dumbfounded.

It's really fuckin' funny, watching a spider shit. Much funnier than, say, a retiree. My friend Paul used to visit his grandfather and at night he'd hear this pounding through the house. Bam, bam, bam. It was disquieting.

Turns out the old man would bang on the radiator next to the can in pain and frustration as he tried to move his ancient bowelies.

Bowelies.

This spider had no such problems. Skitter, skitter, shit, skitter skitter. That oreo that you ate after dropping it the other day? The five second rule?

Skitter skitter. There's some digested dung beetle blood for you. To enjoy.

With your cookie. Your yuummy cookie. Cookie cookie cooookie.

Your lovely, delicious chocolate sanwich cookie.

With spidercrap on.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

BOBBY, YOU NEED TO WORK MORE
HOURS. YOU HAVE WAY TO MUCH
WORTHLESS TIME ON YOUR HANDS.
WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND SPENDS
TIME WATCHING SPIDERS SHIT?

9:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Skitter skitter shit skitter skitter. Oh man, I'm dyin' here rolling on the floor!!!!! Old Anon

11:51 AM  
Blogger XTCfan said...

Hey ALL-CAPS, we all could use enough time in our days to watch spiders shit. A better use of time than getting those TPS Report covers right, after all...

1:23 PM  
Blogger Neddie said...

You have WAY to much (no.) You HAVE way to much (nope, not it). You! Have way to much! (noooo...)

I give up, Cappy. What is "way to much"?

9:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Way To Much is the sequel to Trip To Bountiful, innit?

3:03 PM  

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