Sacred Soul Promise

Years and years of life on th' stage and th' road have burnished my voice into the goddamndest instrument. I got three-and-a-half octaves, I got the steeped-in-port nightclub voice, I got the Brian Wilson falsetto, I got the Stax/Volt field-holler that holds up if I watch the sleep and th' hydration.

I've got the goddamndest beat-up vocal chords. I've got polyps that clunk together like fresh-dug quarry boulders when I've been going awhile. Doc says don't fuck with 'em. Voice teacher taught me how to sing "above" them.

I've got my voice to where I want it, like a dreadnought that falls into tune when you put new strings on it. Like that sax reed that you lose in Vegas and it hurts. I have to take a snapshot of it right now and keep it right where it is.

I'm going to jettison th' cigs for good next goddamn month. When I turn 41. That'll be a good start. December 23rd. If my tone starts getting too clean after that I'll just drink a little more scotch. Or yell more at soccer games like them fuckin' nut fathers.

I'm going to settle down into a steady earning pattern for the next twenty years. That's what I'll do. Drop the fags, play 4-5 a week, sing my ass off and make a lot of cash. And when I'm 61 I'll make a god damn workout DVD and retire on the earnings. Drop on down to Abaco.

Yeah, gotta lock in the voice. It's my god damn cash cow. That and the ass.


Blogger teh l4m3 said...

You'd be amazed at the wonders a steady diet of semen can do for one's voice...

2:00 AM  
Blogger Bobby Lightfoot said...

I guess that's why I sang so much better when I was trying to get a record deal...


2:06 AM  
Blogger Kevin Wolf said...

Hey, I like your stuff, Bobby, so even if the dreadnought starts to sink keep singin'. Go down with the ship.

brimz - the brand for better vocal chords

9:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Absolutely spot on about the voice. And the ass. I wish I was a double threat like you, but all I got are these prehensile big toes.


9:37 AM  
Blogger XTCfan said...

Dude, you're going to be so happy with the way your voice is after you stop smoking. Seriously, just about everything gets better. Music, sex, even drugs. I've been off 'em for ... jesus ... 22 years now, and I don't miss them at all.

Just remember, when you're going through the throes, that the physical addiction only lasts three days. After that, it's all psychological. And don't think of it as depriving yourself of something ... think of it as giving back to your self, your voice, and yes, your ass.

Earnestly yours,
Dr. X

P.S. Get lots of sugarless gum. It's an essential quitting aid.


3:53 PM  
Blogger Neddie said...

Damn, and here's me startin' up again after 10 years off the fags! I'm so behind the times.

eunzexr, baby. eun one motherfuckin' zexr.

4:38 PM  
Blogger Bobby Lightfoot said...

kevin- I tried brimz. They're all hype.

cawndawg- I saw the effect you had on the ladies. Nobody likes that false modesty stuff.

fan- thanx, dude. I need these words. Since I'm such a professional addict, I think my angle is going to be "getting hooked on oxygen". that'll probably work.

ned- I had a buddy who only smoked in Vegas. I thought that was awesome. Truly a country song. Maybe you'll only smoke at Jay's gigs. It's really boring at this age, though. It's not fun like when you're 30. Now you feel each fag pullin' your skin down yer face a little more.

glyvyk. In Iceland, a foreskin.

5:11 PM  
Blogger Employee of the Month said...

Smoking in Vegas - won't that light-up Grampa Earl's oxygen tank at the nickle slots?

efcywf - Welsh for dryer lint.

5:40 PM  
Blogger The Viscount LaCarte said...

I love your voice Bobby. It has character and warmth. I keep hoping that you'll let me play bass on a tribute to XTC (even though you could do it better!) with 'fan on drums, Ned on gits, you on vox, keys and whatever else. (Hide the Kazoo from 'fan!)

Let's do a damn Colin tune like "Fly on the Wall" or "Generals and Majors."

I quit the 'regrets (as in cig-regrets in '86 and I'm still happy about it. I actually first quit on NYE 1980, but then after the horrific event of Dec. 8th 1980, when later that month I read the Playboy interviews and he said that he still smoked his "ciggies" because he didn't believe in "the Big C" I thought, "yeah, what the fuck, I'm gonna start smoking again 'cause they didn't kill Dr. Winston..."

7:50 AM  
Anonymous WW said...

Oh Neddie, liar, liar, pants on fire! You are so busted! Thanks for the heads up Bobby.

4:16 PM  

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