Hanging With Shamen.

Yeah, Shamen rock. I imagine it's supposed to be Shamans but Shamen is funnier and more sort of ignorant.

Fuckin' Shamen will look right th' fuck through you, man. So if you're going to kick w/ a real Shamen you'd better have your fucking psychic house in order, my friend. If you're an asshole some fuckin' shaman will front 'n' center your ass before you knew what hit it. He will spiritually Rolph your shit and you'll wake up with a new appreciation for th' gift of love.

You know what them fucking guys do? They'll tell you what your Animal Totem is. They know that shit right out of the box. They just know. Your fucking animal totem. There's no god damn correspondence course for that shit, citizen.

I asked this one Shadude what my animal totem was, figuring it was a dog. I've always felt doglike both totemically and affinity-wise so that was my assumption. But no- I'm a turtle. Boy, fuckin' great. My animal totem is a turtle. Shit's downhill from there when you're a turtle. Hey, I might be slow but at least I'm fast.

So, I met this other Shaman who smoked more pot than Bob Marley and he enumerated all th' health benefits of it. He said that it helped one see "through the veil" which sounded pretty handy to me. He also said it shrunk tumors- he had all these tumors and they looked pretty shrunk to me. So we hung out and looked through th' veil and shrank our tumors for a while. Goddamn if I didn't feel healthier than shit. And my appetite was just top-notch.

I told him it also made "Immigrant Song" sound really bitchin' and he was in agreement.

What else have I learned from Shamen besides my animal totem thing and that weed is a panacea? Um, I think that's about it.

But that's two more things than I've learned from fuckin' white military industrial dudes. All I've learned from th' military industrial dudes is that th' harder you fuck a populace and the more lies you tell the more cash you'll make.

And that hurling an infant to th' ground a couple times will tenderize it somewhat.

Shamen 2, Military Industrial Dudes 0.

Take from this what you will, malchickies.


Blogger Kevin Wolf said...

Fuck! All this time I been hanging with Charmin. No wonder I haven't learned a goddam thing!

8:29 AM  
Blogger XTCfan said...

Did you learn not to squeeze it?

1:47 PM  

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