5/31/2006

With Sincerest Apologies To Anonymous



Yeah, I ran a very important and informative piece on FM radio mavens of yesteryear Ken McKenzie 'n' Pud last ??????? ?????? 5 2005 and was delighted to receive word from an anonymous source this morning that both Ken and Pudzie are rockin' on in th' media industry to this very day!!!!!

Man, gives you hope, don't it! The information runs thus:
Ken or Pud is not dead! Pud or Sara as she is more commonly known is the manager or a national Audio Visual Company and Ken now owns his own Creative Media Company.. ps your all a bunch of horrible bastards!

Anonymous, I must sincerely apologize for so many errors in my reporting that I don't know where to start! First off, I surmised that Putz quote Probly wound up turning tricks or dead in a alley with a syringe sticking out of her forehead. And her superior vena cava unquote. Not truesky!

And I believe I described Ken as being "a rotting corpse with a bad bowl haircut"! Wrongeriffic! Woah!

Y'know, I really hate to do this but I was sort of put up to this by some folks that probably should bear some of th' responsibility. Far be it from me to be a whistleblower but I'm a firm, firm believer in justice, and to an extent I was manipulated by some fairly rotten folks.

Fist off, (fist off! It's like a new Porn Olympics Event! Woah!) there Kevin Wolf, a shady character who lives to spout liberal misinformation and contempt for order and authority. Just look what he's got on his blog today. Disgusting.

Secondly, I was browbeaten by another muckraking delinquent called Pinko Punko. This dude! Woah! I wouldn't have dreamed of printing such smear without the endless armtwisting of this indolent wag.

There's too many others to mention, Anonymous. Characters like Ned Jingo, a socialist. Also there was The Viscount Lacarte, an anarchist who lives to disturb Th' Current Order. He is a hideous little man who insists on attacking luminaries like Bill Frist and Hitler. May I also mention Simon, who is by his own confession a homosexual???? And who documents his gay exploits on THE INTERNET!!!!

There was a drugtaker named Soundsurfr. Also involved was a Defender Of Criminals named Roxtar. He has facilitated the freedom of countless drug dealers, prostitutes and CEO's.

Countless others were involved. Indolent musicians like "XTCfan" a man whose love for misinformation is matched only by his MDA addiction. Others, like Th' Brentmeister General, Employee Of The Month and Ben Sadock stood in the shadows, their complicity clear and bold. Another homosexual named
TEH L4M3 promised to leak lies about my fondling his male organs if I did not proceed with this infamy.

I may never live down the shame of this event, but I shall at least vow to route out and help point th' long arm of justice to some of the evildoers who put me up to this.

I'm sorry, Anonymous. I'm sorry, Ken. And most of all, yes, forgive me, li'l Pundtz. Sorry for calling you Ken's "little carry-on". Long may you rent slide projectors.

P.S. I don't know if it's a symptom of my own particular mental illness but I gotta say it's cathartic to be called a horrible bastard. I don't know if it's because I don't experience enough honesty or what. Plus the context is sort of playful. I like it. I am a horrible bastard in the best sense of the word.

Or at least I try.

This font color reminds me of mint ice cream when I was a kid and still believed in things.

16 Comments:

Anonymous the brentmeister general said...

It's a fair cop, guv; but society is also to blame.

6:07 PM  
Anonymous Chuck Champion said...

No go. You're the dude who done it. Spreading blame is, well, just spreading. Lil P's honor (actually, her vitality!) impugned (actually, denied!), and all you can do is spread blame.

I blame the french. And the drugs ... OW! Can't. Type. With. Needle. In. Arm.

ongxr: the one after "Blitzen"

8:33 PM  
Blogger Kevin Wolf said...

The long arm of the what?

8:53 PM  
Blogger Bobby Lightfoot said...

Ha! Chuck! Another member of th' lost tribe struggles in.

8:54 PM  
Blogger fgfdsg said...

Where ever did you get the weird idea i'm a *cough* homo.. *cough* .. sexual?

*cough*... Sorry, must the pole lodged in my throat.

Anonymous was probably Pud, Googling Herself from Rehab.

Either that or that only other person who would probably defend Pud's honour: a sixty-year old, overweight, balding, four-eyed kiddly diddler who is at least secure in the knowledge that 'Full House' is always playing on a cable channel *somewhere*.

I've had a few run-ins with this Anonymous chap myself. Have you ever noticed he has no sense of humour and likes both Bush and Jebus? Most of the time he's telling me how well-written my blog is and then overestimating my interest in his own Tennis Stamp Snowball [Insert Computer-Generated Spam Term Here] blog.

10:31 PM  
Anonymous Pinko Punko said...

Good ol' Pud. Short for Puddin'?

Note the non-denial of the Beautiful Music atrocity.

Also, is it offensive to read BL/OSR while listening to Neu!? I can't decide it it grates on the sensibilities.

Fucking Jingo!

3:52 AM  
Blogger XTCfan said...

MDMA addiction, Bobby. (*Group hug*, everyone!!) But I am also addicted to those Jerry Lewis telethons, you know? Where's Labor Day weekend when you need it?!?

10:10 AM  
Blogger The Viscount LaCarte said...

Anonymous once told me he is A Pud...

11:19 AM  
Blogger Employee of the Month said...

Group Hug!

Spineless bastards all ...


acunfg - That's me!

11:20 AM  
Blogger Ben said...

Ah yes, sweet complicity, without which I would never merit the honor of belonging to such a "bunch of horrible bastards." Makes my day, and adds, as they say in French, a certain "onfxvqu."

12:04 PM  
Blogger Neddie said...

Fucking Jingo!

Can't decide if this is a declarative sentence or a case of Tourette's. In any event, Not True! There's not nearly enough Jingo-Fucking going on around here, and I for one intend to do summat about it!

Let's see -- where'd that group hug get to...?

Pucking Finko!

2:27 PM  
Blogger corndog said...

I've been a bit of an absentee bastard of late, but can I be a horrible bastard too? Do I need to retroactively insult Ken McKenzie and Pud? Fine. McKenzie looks like the kind of guy David Gates could beat up. As for Pud, just tell her that, contrary to her belief, her vjbzuzxs does stink.

2:45 PM  
Blogger Bobby Lightfoot said...

Cawndiggity:

I hereby proclaim you to be a HB.

In return you swear not to return your HB for "the Biafra thing and Cold Turkey slipping down the charts".

4:10 PM  
Blogger teh l4m3 said...

Could you make the font in the last part of this post any tinier? Fucking bastard.

7:32 PM  
Blogger Bobby Lightfoot said...

Fucking blogger. All fixed. Had to import it into Word and no end of shit.

8:30 PM  
Blogger Soundsurfr said...

At least you didn't say anything bad about me.

1:40 PM  

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