Dr. Devendra: Rock 'n' Roll Medical Consultant Extraordinaire!

Dear Dr. Devendra;

I am a 41 year-old singer and piano player and I spend a lot of time playing R&B for middle-aged punters on th' make.

I was recently given a script of Amoxicyllin to protect a broken tooth from infection while I await treatment. I'm to take three of these tablets a day, one every eight hours.

I've realized that I take the two later doses each with a large pop of tequila. The first one I take with coffee when I arise in the early afternoon. Should I be concerned that I'm counteracting the effects of th' antibiotic with hard liquor? Or with the realization that I am drinking it regularly and in appreciable quantities?



Dear Bobby;

No, that's fine.

Bottoms up!

Dr. D

Dear Doctor Devendra;

I'm a hard-drivin' bass player who spends his nights rockin' and his days drivin'. I've noticed that I can put away 4 or 5 Camel Straights every time th' band takes a fifteen minute break.

Should I be concerned?

Oh- there's a big lump on my neck.

Thanks for your time!


Dear Ace;

No, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Shaving can cause ingrown hairs that result in large masses in the neck area. Cigarettes have actually been proven to contain many beneficial vitamins, according to a recent Phillip Morris study. And they are helpful in digestion.

Smoke on up!

Dr. Devendra

Dear Dr. Devendra;

I'm a guitar player with a loud rock band. Lately I've noticed ringing in my ears that occurs constantly and interrupts my sleep. Do you have any advice for me?



Dear Joey;

Ah, yes. The ringing in the ears is generally attributed to overly-quiet environments. It's nothing to worry about.


Dr. D

Dear Doctor Devendra;

I'm a blind heroin addict piano player. Some of the guys in the band like to fuck around with me and replace the smack in my shaving kit with Borax or baking soda. So far I've been lucky because when I cook it down it gives off an acrid odor that clues me in that something's off. Should I be worried that I might blast a big glob of dish soap into my veins?

Appreciate it!


Dear Ray;

Nope, nothing to worry about.


Doctor D

P.S.: I encourage any of the readers to post their own medical questions for me. I have a degree in Rock Medicine.


Blogger fgfdsg said...

Dear Dr. Devendra,

I'm regularly filled with what I thought was an itchy, burning need to create, but when i do, it resembles some kind of discharge of pus. Is it possible I have an STM? (Sonically transmitted mediocrity)

Whole Lotta Love,
Abbey Rhodes

5:59 AM  
Blogger Soundsurfr said...

Dear Doctor Devendra,

Last night I had sex with several heavily inked and pierced goth groupies (mostly female)in a parking lot behind the 7-11 near where my gig was. I think one of them was about 9 months pregnant.

Am I screwed if she claims I'm the father and makes me get DNA tested?

1:45 PM  
Blogger Neddie said...

Dear Dr. Devendra,

For years I played rhythm guitar and sang in a reasonably successful pop combo. Several years after my retirement, I experienced a sudden gaping hole in my flesh and the anguished shrieking of my recently reconciled Japanese wife.

Is this something I need to get checked out?

All You Need Is Gloves,
Winston O'Boogie

1:57 PM  
Blogger Neddie said...

Dear Dr. Devendra,

I'm a composer of repellent modernist orchestral music, long-winded guitar soloist, performer of songs about polymorphous perversity, menstruation and mud-sharks, political gadfly, and a prolific, demanding bandleader in the LA area. Recently I've noticed a swelling in my groin, accompanied by difficulty urinating and bloody stools.

Should I be worried?

I Promise Not to Come In Your Mouth,
Tmershi D'ween

2:15 PM  
Anonymous Pinko Punko said...

But you did, D'ween, you did. Sincerely,

Fuck the World

2:20 PM  
Blogger Kevin Wolf said...

Dear Dr Devendra,

I'm a hugely popular rock star just diagnosed with inoperable cancer of the spleen. Since I've been given only 3-6 months to live, my question is this:

Is there a rock 'n' roll heaven? Cause, if there is, you know they've got a helluva band.


4:12 PM  
Blogger Employee of the Month said...

Dear Doctor Devendra,

I am the lead singer in a popular music combo. My friends have mentioned that my popular music combo's slide from greatness to self-parody to mediocrity might be due to my jet-set lifestyle and my partner's drug taking. Can you shed some light?

Sir "Cocksucker Blues" Jagger

4:36 PM  

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