Motherfuckin' Wang Chung Tonite

Jesus, I've been unproductive as shit for a spell here. It's because everything I need to do is so epically biblical that it's tough to dig in. Fuck, I'll get there. I just need a psychic hardon moment and I'll be flying.

when I start doing shit for pure yucks I know I've got a touch o' spring fever and might as well give in to it. Good for the heart. So, you heard my brilliant ad. Then, today I got a email from Universal Audio whose list I'm on. They're a manufacturer of high-end audio stuff, plug-ins and hardware for recording and mastering.

There's a thing where you can submit a song and if the panel of judges likes it they put it on their website and give you a reacharound or something but you HAVE TO SAY THAT YOU USED SOME UA PRODUCT and how you used it. That kind of irked me, I mean, I guess it's O.K. but the way it works is if you want a musician of pedigree to endorse your shit you GIVE THEM SOME FREE crap.

So I submitted a song and told them I used the DVD case of their wonderful mastering suite to clean pot on.

Then I meet this band! Fuckin' A, man. I'm trolling musician classifieds at MySpace to see if, you know, there's any cool string players around here or if anyone wants to do a Tenacious D tribute. And here's CRAZE, man. They're all like 18 and they have this classified that sez "we DARE you to write and sing a lyric to this song". They're looking for a singer, you know? And they want to find their Vedder so I linked to the song and of course it's just brilliant. So I run it off onto my multitrack and I sing THIS LITTLE TREAT to it and off it goes!!!! Oh, you won't want to miss a second of this little four-minute treat. It's almost frighteningly brilliant. I about hacked up a lung listening to this. Could be a high point. Also, I'd like to pay tribute to my influences on this one- Corey Hart, Wang Chung, Men At Work, Jefferson Starship, Neil Diamond, The D (particularly "Explosivo") and of course Sepultura and Metal Church.

I think they'll like it. I'm going to send them the link now at their MySpace and see what happens.

I can't imagine what I did before I had a blog to be lazily amusing on of a night off. Oh, yeah- I hung out with friends. I knew it was some shit like that.



Blogger Larry Jones said...

Right motherfuckin' ON! You stayed on message the whole four minutes, too. You're my favorite asshole, and I mean that in the nicest way possible. When those kids are my age, they'll laugh about this.

Until then, watch your back.

2:12 AM  
Anonymous Pinko Punko said...

I heard some Bruce Dickinson in there. Or maybe the guy from Helloween.


Says it all

2:20 AM  
Anonymous ade said...

Shit, I'm gonna have to listen to this one at home. I managed to get as far as the introductory "Yeeaaaaaaah Muthafucka c'mon!" before I woke the rest of the office up with my giggling.
Sterling work, fella. Rock on!


7:04 AM  
Blogger EmployeeoftheMonth said...

Officially Lungless now. Thanks!

10:06 AM  
Blogger bobby lightfoot said...

Jesus, Larry- being your favorite asshole brings a tear to my eye.

It's like you're fifteen and you love Nirvana more than anything on th' planet and some kid says you look sort of like Cobain.

Fuck, do I treasure that. And thank you, thank you, man.

Same to you Pinko with th' Hellowe'en. That is something to be fucking proud of.

Ade, Employee; beloved longtimers. Tonight rock 'n' roll SAVES THE WORLD. Saddle up the fucking skybeasts.

I feel so good today. I've found myself.

3:35 PM  
Anonymous cleek said...

holy fucking yow. you're my hero.

there's a bit in the middle of that that sounds just like that old Cheech n Chong Earache My Eye tune.

9:11 PM  
Blogger Bobby Lightfoot said...

Hee hee. Th' arc of me is long but it swings towards awesome. I was TOTALLY GOING FOR EARACHE MY EYE.

1:03 AM  
Anonymous Pinko Punko said...

I think I am sad that you didn't work "total eclipse of the polesmoking motherfucking choadface" in there, or maybe I missed it.

3:56 AM  
Blogger The Viscount LaCarte said...


4:47 PM  
Blogger XTCfan said...

I am so glad I'm listening to this after most people have left work ... this way, no one has come over to my cube to try to administer the Heimlich maneuver.

I always knew those vocal nodes would come in handy someday, Bob! Well done.

6:13 PM  
Anonymous blue girl said...

Laugh. Out. Loud.

12:00 PM  

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