My Sunday Mea Maxima Culpa, Delivered Monday

Dear Baby Creepus;

I just wanted to take this chance to take back everything I said last week. I forgot to do this yesterday because I was too tired because I ROCKED A RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF ASS on Saturday night at the Route 63 Roadhouse in Miller's Falls MA.

Nice to know there's still something I can do right. I can rock the People, dig? Thank you for giving me the tools to Rock your Flock. I might be all polysyllabic and high-falutin' when it comes to ridiculing the God-fearin', but when the money's on the table, the shots of Patrone are waitin' on the bar and the stage beckons, never let it be said that Bobby Lightfoot doesn't know how to take a hunnerd people to the Land Of Rock. And keep 'em there until nigh-on 1:30 AM.

You give 'em a little Chuck Berry, you give 'em a li'l Larry Williams, you give 'em a whole lot of Wicked Wilson Pickett and you don't talk down to 'em. People got a hard row to hoe these days, what with it being 2005 and the thing about everything coming apart at the seams with these Polesmoking NeoCon Felcheteers making sure that if you clear less that 100 Large a year you're on a collision course with a Career In Walmart. The last thing they need is some smartass B.A. getting up and being all Lib'ral EE-lite on their ass.

You drink with the people, you shake it with the people, you laugh with the people. You're not ready to do that then don't pick up a axe or a drumstick. Just don't. People don't remember you because you played a flawless solo on "Whipping Post", fuckface. They remember you because you took the shot they gave you and you inserted tab A into slot B and got on with the business of rocking. They remember you because you made friends with the drunk guy who jumped you on stage 'cause you wouldn't play his request. They remember you because you closed the place with the barkeep and you shared a final round with the staff. Just keep it screwed on straight because the Man is lurking around every corner, ready to pounce and steal another honest soldier from La Lucha. Keep it screwed on straight. Run a tight ship. Keep a stiff upper lip and don't get behind that wheel if you can't walk a straight line. There's no shame in sleeping on a pool table. Let me tell you, I've made a circuit or two around this great land of our'n where that was about the best sleeping acommodations you were gonna get.

And if you don't have a Service Mentality then don't perform the service of Rocking The People. To Serve Is To Rule, tough guy. The People aren't stupid, tough guy. They're you and they're me.

In fact, a lot of them are JUST like me. People with college degrees who'd just as soon punch The Man's clock as little as possible.

Who gets away with not punching The Man's clock? Not me, not you, sailor. Isn't a man or woman born who doesn't punch that fucking clock. But you don't have to RUN to punch in, you know? You don't have to RACE for that Clock. You don't have to. Yeah, I know you've got mouths to feed. Well, you've got MINDS to feed too, man. You've got SOULS to feed and CONSCIENCES to feed too. So punch in but don't punch out without a few of the Man's pencils, you know? Don't punch out without a few of the Man's pens. That's winning the fight, brothers and sisters. Poco a poco.

Anyhoot, baby Creepus, here's what I'm sorry about this week:

1. I didn't steal enough pencils and pens from the man. I'll do better this week.
2. I'm sorry I suggested the Pope should be a slut. That's rough, man. I'm sorry.
3. I'm sorry about the whole Michael Bolton episode. I kissed and told.
4. I'm sorry I have but one life to give for The People. I'm sorry I have but one human body's worth of spit and piss and shit and puke to hurl at John Bolton. Fuck that guy. Dickhead.
5. I'm sorry I acted like Gordon Lightfoot is my dad. Gordon Lightfoot doesn't know me from a lamp post.
6. Nothing else is coming to me, baby Jeebus. I hope I still qualify for The Kingdom Of Heaven Registered Trademark.

If only because I live to Rock your Flock. And I do, B.J. I rock your flock and I will as long as I get my 2 free drinks and something toward the rent at Closing Time. I'll do it every night if that be Thy Will. And I sure hope it is. They deserve it, I deserve it.

Can somebody every now and then get what they deserve Baby J? Just once in a gibbous fucking moon, Creepster? If I could see that every now and then it'd be like turning water into wine, dig? I've tried so hard to be a good man, Creepo. You know. You know. You see it all, right, C-Creepio? And what's it got me? What am I looking at here, Creepster? You gonna deny the Kingdon Of Heaven Registered Trademark to every fucking Buddhist who takes a day to walk a mile so he won't step on an ant and then that cocksucking child molesting eater of human brains Charlton Heston walks right in on the heads of me and mine? Fuck that, Jeebus. Just fuck that with a football bat, y'know wh'am saying? If that's where it's at then I'll be right Over Here, you know? Did I read something wrong, R2-D-Christ? Did the King James get translated wrong? Was it s'posed to say "The creeps shall inherit the earth"? Did it say "the Polesmoking NeoCon Felcheteers shall inherit the earth"? Do I need new glasses, Christio? Who's fucking America is this anyway? John F. Bolton's? Dick Cheney's? Huh? Or is it mine and my brother's and my lover's and everybody who's just trying to scrape a couple dimes together and not end up behind the counter at Mickey Dee's with a B.A. under their belt? Huh?

Well, it still feels good to do what you're good at. It feels really good. I'm grateful for that. I really am.

But you knew that. And you know my soul is pure. You know I'm one of the ones who lives hard and dies early because there's a job needs doing and it's gonna get done fucks sake. You know I would have walked up Anzio Beach at a slow steady clip. You know I would've stuck a flower in that soldier's gun and another up his ass and said WAKE UP. You know I would've steered that plane down into that field in Pennsylvania. That's what The People do. It's not what John Bolton or Dick Cheney or GWB would do, fuck knows. They'd be crying and pissing themselves and trying to wave dollars at It. But You know that. I know You do. I know a lot of people would've done that. They aren't in The Current Administration, that's for sure.

Me 'n' you are A-O.K., Creepzilla. That's why I can call you a fucking lying shit heel bastard construct of the military industrial complex and still sleep the sleep of the just.

Amen and good night,
Bobby Lightfoot.



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