U2: SAVIORS OF THE FUCKING UNIVERSE

U2! These guys are doing good night and day! They work in shifts! Saving the universe! They're saving the world ONE ASS AT A TIME. Yesterday? Yesterday the saved 10,000 fucking asses! If evil is like a boil, these guys are an echo-soaked LANCET headin' towards it at Mach 3. Just like their namesake.

These guys never stop, I'm telling you. Let me put it this way: U2 and Injustice? Not the easiest of bedfellows, my friend. Not the easiest. These fuckers are like KRYPTONITE to The Man. The Man sees Adam Clayton and whatsisname jest moseyin' on over and he drops whatever Appalachian family he is devouring and runs screaming like a prom queen on acid. Like rice on a cheap suit, baby.

Fuck!

All the things these guys have done to make the world a better place for me and you and generations to come? The list is endless. Endless. You know how there's that pin that has the Lord's Prayer engraved on the tip? U2's good deeds would not fit on that pin. They'd need a score of fucking pins to enumerate the good works of Bono and th' boys.

Just the other day they went through my neighborhood, rounding up and euthanizing strays. Day before that- the drummer picked up all the trash in the universe and the bass player dude removed all the asbestos on the planet. All in a day's work for THOSE fucking dudes.

And the fact that they manage to do it while SPENDING AT LEAST FIVE HOURS A DAY IN A FUCKING CIRCLE JERK is just that much more amazing.

U2! Ever-vigilant!! They work in shifts!

COMPAQ

PEPPERIDGE FARM

HEAD AND SHOULDERS