My New Name For Dick Cheney: "Lon".

Let me tell you one things that has been a very important lessons to me.

I used to think that it was attractive to speak in a soft, low voice. Now I realize it's just creepy. These days when you talk like fuckin' Lon everybody's eyes start flappin' around to makes sure there are no childrens afoot.

You don't want your kids around someones that talks like fucking Lon. Here- let me enumerates the ways in which it's wrong to speaks like Lon:

1. It is manipulative to speak quietly so everyones has to lean in to hears you. It connotes a certain conviction that what you have to say is extra special.

2. When you speak like Lon it sounds like you're lying even if you're not. That whole sotto voce thing is like that, you know? S?

I got tired of this weakass post and so I just went back and put in some s's so it would seem like something.

This is not The Time Of Posts. This is not The Time Of This Crap. This is The Hour Of Headphones and Electric Pianos. The Hour Of Bitchin' Drum Loops.

And coffees. Coffees. S.

Bobby Lightfoot's Greatest Hits #10:

God Damn, I'm Jealous Of Old People.

God damn. I'm jealous of the old people. That's a first. Why? Because they got to live in a better world, as far as I'm concerned. I mean, it wasn't all peaches and regalia, Christ knows. But these days a fella just doesn't know what to think.

I'll tell you one thing- I would have left an arm on the beach at Normandy to live in the time of Cole Porter and FDR and Billie Holiday and Duke Ellington and Tommy Dorsey and Tracey and Hepburn. I shit you not. I would have left it there with a god damn bow on it. Here's a nice arm for you, Fritz. Now let me live in a pre-digital, pre-solid state pre-cable, pre-cell phone pre-American Idol, pre-Paris Hilton, pre-Dick Chaney world like a MAN. LIKE A FUCKING MAN.

I think old people are laughing at us, because they know they had it good and they can fuck off sooner than us and leave this pusbag world to us suckers.

God damn, I'm jealous of old people.


Blogger XTCfan said...

I dunno, Bobby, I'm thinking Lon Chaney, Jr., ya know? Like, check out this picture of him with Dubya.


9:15 AM  
Blogger Kevin Wolf said...

Rocks on Bobbys!

And, yeahs, I'm with the xtcfans on this'un. Lon Jr, man, not the greats Lon Sr.

eeveysn cured me of everything - and I means everythings.

9:19 AM  
Blogger Soundsurfr said...

And having a real life goddam werewolfs as vice presidents, that's not good either.

11:58 AM  
Blogger teh l4m3 said...

I don't know, Bobby. Old people smell like medicine and pee...

qxaivfml is a trademark of Merck Pharmaceuticals. Use of qxaivfml with aspirin or other analgesics may cause rectal bleeding in Loni Anderson.

1:10 PM  
Blogger Bobby Lightfoot said...


puuguax- Laplanders use this, the natural oil found in reindeer shit to wax their skis.

1:12 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home