Yes! The Conscription Line Is 'Rounding The Block!

Woah! I'm tired of th' Bobby Lightfoot Memorial Political Activism Knowledge Repository! I'm just going to write about my psychic pain some more.

No, soldiers! We must push on.

One day and I already have many excellent pieces of Knowledge from around our fair country. From Roxtar this wisdom:

1. Study th' Constitution and learn your rights! An excellent, excellent piece of Knowledge that you and I can apply TODAY. Way I see it, Iraq is borrowing ours right now since we're not using it! Woah! Let's take that cocksmoker apart and see what we can learn.

2. Becoming less dependent on fossil fuels by adopting more alternative energy in our communities. I fuckin' LOVE it. This is an excellent little dagger to th' heart of the Military Industrial Decidedly Un Complex. I'm going to read up on that shit. I've already read how the forward-thinking people in Europe are adopting sell-back programs where people install solar panels on th' power company's dime and sell power BACK TO 'EM. That's MY kind of America. The kind that's like Europe! Read up!

3. Grow a Big Ass Garden. Dude, America needs more big ass gardens like Denmark needs more Bear Porn.

No, seriously- what a fucking fine bit of Knowledge. Any time that you raise somethin' up out of the ground and don't pay taxes on it that's like slamming Th' Man's dick in the door of a '77 Pinto, droogies. Fantastic idea. That's what I love so much about Marihuana. That and the whole wow-I-never-knew-a-grapefruit-could-be-so-good thing. Roxtar: 1 Polesmoking Neocon Felcheteer Robber Baron Scumbags: 0.

4. GET A BICYCLE. Oh, my sweet fucking Christ! See what I mean? There's obvious, good Knowledge everywhere you god damn turn. When I was in m' twenties I got everywhere on my bike and I was cut like a fuckin' side of beef and I could hold a high "C" for twenty god damn seconds and I could fuck like an insane, rutting Dingo 'neath the gibbous Outback moon.

Friends, Romans- clearly one of the most immediate effects we can have on The fucking Man is to use less of his black tar fuckin' smack every day. You know it, I know it. Every time you get from A to B without using shitty fossil fuels, well, it's like you finally found Mother Nature's G-spot and she's sobbing with gratitude. She's like oh, after 50,000 years...finally...and lovingly slapping your face in mock indignation that it took you so long, friend.

I think Rockstar is readying for a jump off th' fuckin' grid at a moment's notice. A wise choice.

All we really have to do is something though, right now. I know that eminent and well-considered fellow Adorable Girlfriend is concerned about th' Davidian-ness about it but what I'm really trying to put across is that if all of us make the political process a physical part of our lives that'll be that first little step towards getting our fuckin' place back. And hopefully the fact that a lot of it is just an appeal for Knowledge for me is coming across too. I just want to do some votin' and knowing the elections are good and some writin' and callin' and bitching and going to them god damn town meetings because those little meetings in little towns all over the country is literally where th' future of the planet is being decided and debated. That is where people are figuring out if they're going to worship th' dollar or the idea of a good future for their children.

That man that we all know as an erudite and catholic-lower-case-c fellow, th' Viscounte, suggests

5. Engaging people. Yeah, man. Because all of any of these idiots know about the horrible mess that's going down is all that fuckin' Hannity drivel and all that. And they don't realize that the fucking instant the media gets owned by widgeteers it's pretty much a fucking joke. Something to make you buy a Massengil Doosh or a fucking Twinkie, you know?

That's a lot of Knowledge Reposited for just the first day of th' Bobby Lightfoot Memorial Political Activism Knowledge Repository.

So, somebody tell me- what are the mechanics of most effectively calling a state representative? I mean, aside from pulling them into an alley and holding a scissor to their crotch. I know somebody knows this.

Onward! Th' fuck!


Blogger roxtar said...

Actually, that scissor to the crotch thing works pretty well. It works even better if you tuck a discreetly folded Benjamin into his shirt pocket at the same time. But if you're reluctant to go the physical threats and bribery route, simply follow the basic rule of politics:

"What's in it for me?"

That's what your elected servant is going to want to know. Example:

"Say, Representative, I'd like to see you introduce a bill that provides for a to-and-from work license for first offense DUI drivers."

"What's in it for me?"

"Folks who can continue to drive to work get to keep their jobs. You're pro-jobs! Folks with jobs can support their families. You're pro-family! Families with income don't go on welfare. You're anti-welfare for people who are healthy and able to work! Why, simply proposing this legislation will probably get you elected Governor! Plus, they have exactly this same system in Nevada. I see an educational, investigative trip to fabulous Las Vegas in your future! That's what's in it for you!"

"OK, just slip a Benjamin into my shirt pocket and put away those scissors and we've got a deal."

7:10 AM  
Blogger The Viscount LaCarte said...

Sign up for "True Majority" When some shit is going down, they send you an email with the phone numbers and email addresses of your state-reprehensitives - they make it easy.

I know you hate shit like this, but watch Ben's Oreo Cookie Video while you're there.

7:10 AM  
Blogger Kevin Wolf said...

Yeah, man. Right on. Trying to make a difference.

A quick Google search will net you contact info for state reps, etc.

I may be lame, but I think it helps to buy your stuff from local or small companies, or businesses with good practices (charity, etc). For instance, my long distance carrier is Working Assets, which gives money to green and left causes, will mail letters to politicians for you and give you free long distance to call Washington and harrass the fuckers who are driving us off a cliff.

9:34 AM  
Blogger XTCfan said...

Wow, this is fun. I wish I wasn't so goddamned busy, so I could keep up with this better. But here are my late two cents:
1) http://www.bushslastday.com/
2) Contact your local Democratic party, and sign up to volunteer.

6:09 PM  

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