Dr Devendra: Answers To Your Vexing Rock Health Questions #3!

Dear Dr. Devendra;

Bobby Lightfoot here. You have guided down the path to rock and roll health many times and I appreciate it to no end.

I remember how you counseled me on my '98 tour when I decided to health up on th' road and I started jogging every morning in cuban heeled boots. Your suggestion that I not attempt this undertaking without getting good and stoned first was excellent.

Also greatly appreciated was the time I had problems with my voice and you suggested the pre-show Tequila Gargle. This has aided me on many, many occasions. Last week.

This evening I come to you with another vexatious issue with which I trust you can assist me. After four back-to-back shows the last four nights I decided to undergo a lovely and relaxing root canal today. It was bad, doctor. It was very bad. I was in the seat for three hours and I recieved six shots of novocaine, one directly in the roof of my mouth which was unpleasant to say th' least.

I'm not ashamed to say that I excused myself whilst this last one set in, went to the restroom and sobbed like a little girl. During this exercise I had three of those little things you use to spear corn on th' cob jammed deep into each root of the offending tooth so I had to jam a roll of toilet paper into my mouth so as not to bite down and send the corncob things into my brain as I wept.

Anyway, enough of this drama. I'm on th' mend and hope to return to full crappo rock 'n' roll health real soon. Yes, I've been doing the back exercises to help my ruined back each day as I drive for seven hours. They seem to be helping. And the extra-strength Zantac has been a godsend for my ravaged diaphragm. I'm breathing fire at a far less alarming rate and my vocal cords seem to be on th' mend after many years of stewing in delicious stomach acid.

Here's th' question: tomorrow I have to do a seven hour video shoot far away in Cromwell CT. Live, no synch. I'm concerned that my spirit may flag from th' pounding pain of my fresh root canal as I enter hour five of singing take after take of "Hard To Handle" in th' key of C.


Your long-time disciple in Rock Medicine,

Bobby Lightfoot

Dear Bobby;

It is wonderful indeed to hear that you continue to find inspiration for your music in true Rock Suffering. You are a wonder to behold.

I will be brief as we have covered this issue before during your first and second root canals. Just remember this, my rock and roll friend- you pulled through those two with flying colors, even after the poorly installed crown from root canal number one sheared off two weeks ago, taking most of your remaining tooth with it, leaving a decayed stump with metal pins protruding into your mouth.

Candy and fighting, my friend. Fighting and candy. I'm glad you finally gave them up. Fighting and candy are the enemy of your teeth. I was very proud when you told me the tale of putting off that biker in Panama City FL by telling him you'd gladly pound him but that you did not have Dental at the time. This was wise, and more importantly, amusing to your Dr. Devendra.

Take heart, Bobby! And take liquor. Here in my native India we have a saying that may resonate for you tomorrow as you bravely venture forth: Thai Stick Is The Enemy Of Pain. And furthermore, do not mix your antibiotics with reflux medication as it renders the antibiotic ineffective. I would suggest, since food is bound to create excess stomach acid, that you do not indulge in the eating of it but rather stick with a strict regimen of Tequila and cigarettes. Also, if the tooth pain flares up may I suggest a liquid solution of cocaine and saltwater? It is an excellent gargle and will numb you up better'n a cystern full of Nembutal.

On second thought, perhaps you should include a cystern full of Nembutal in your kit tomorrow. Rock on, Bobby. Shiva loves you. And remember: there's nothing you can do that can't be done!

Namaste--------------Dr. Devendra


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Dr. Devendra-

My mother threw away my Kiss 8-tracks when I was a wee lad, citing subliminal backwards-masked satanic messages. However, I still totally rock out any time I hear "Detroit Rock City." If I accept Jesus Christ as my personal trainer, would my indulgent awe for Kiss disappear?

-Patrick Hillman

1:12 AM  

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