Jesus, Take Th' Wheel

Heyyyy...bet them Grammys were really great.

Why can't they fly a plane into that shit.

That dreamy Justin Timberlake. He's like a green-eyed Al Green.

What a tedious, talentless, self-important little lottery-winner asshole.

Hope that Fergie takes home some gold! She's so talented.

Why does it have to be so wrong to want to beat the shit out of a woman?

I wish I'd been talented enough to ever get a Grammy nomination. Then I'd feel less awful about taking this next lungful of air.

Yeah- talented at smoking pole. I hope I'm dead and in the ground before this fucking humiliation happens again. I hope I'm rottener than a happy meal bricked into a fucking wall in 1977.

Woah! John Legend and John Mayer and that other chick! It's so good.

I'm going to start driving more so maybe global warming will wipe us out sooner. I promise. It's my Grammy Resolution! What's yours!

Gosh, I love music. Music brings joy to my life. All these talented artists!

I've heard there's an operation where they take out one of your vertebra and they pull your teeth and it lets you GUM YOUR OWN ASSHOLE.

Jayzis take th' wheel! WWoooooo!