6/02/2007

Dear Jeexis


Deart BAby Jeekers I have a solemn vow to make at this ungodly hour when I tread th' boards with fear and no small amount of dread.

Dear Jeeves I swear that if you will do one small thing for me I will renounce my heathen ways and stop listening for God's voice in th' rustling leaves and the cadences and counterpoints in my mind.

If you will grant me one small boon I will instead repair myself to your father's house of th' Baptist Church of Granby ("Sunday- It's Mind Over Matress!" sp.!) and fall to my knees and never more spleak of evolution or be tempted by th' weeds of the forest. I will kneel in th' house of worship and swear off all manner of pleasures and comforts and wear one of those fuckin' things on my leg (a surplice or suplice or some shit -ed.) and whip myself with ropes soaked in glue and trailed thru broken glass.

No more will I shout of get ready 'cause here I come or we're all sensitive people or shotgun, shot it for me run now but instead sing of you and of your wonders.

I say this that I may sleep this night and dream of things other than the usual horrors that haunt my repose. I pray that I may dream instead of cherubs and seraphs and the sun shining through th' fine hairs on Kirstin Dunst's inner thighs.

Yea, grant me but one thing. And I will be your servant and messenger and won't think bad thoughts and want to drive into SUVs with yeller ribbons.

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4 Comments:

Blogger gregra&gar said...

Hulky Jerkass, Bobby!!!!! I awoke in a sweating, futile rage in the muddle of the knight from a screaming dream that everyone I knew had been dafted into Gooberya's cruise-aid to rape the wholely grizzle and murder everyone but his sacred, smirking self only to find this perfect mirror of your post. You don't need me to write your war song, just a litany of unintelligible, snotty proclaimations ala Pink Floyd's Several Species of Furry Animals Grooving in a Cave with a Pict voiced over the wheezing weasel of a leaky bagpiper scraping the guts out of his bladder pierced full of those bullfighter's deadly darts. Holey Jeekus, indeed. Gotta score some of those leaves of the forest soon, dreams this vivid are gonna make me have violent wakes too.

In the immortal words of the word verification below, otablap!

7:10 AM  
Blogger gregra&gar said...

BTW What's Gore got to do with the post? I was so into your plea to jewsus that I completely overlooked his pic.

1:35 PM  
Blogger The Viscount LaCarte said...

BTW What's Gore got to do with the post? I was so into your plea to jewsus that I completely overlooked his pic.

Like, er, everything...

4:04 PM  
Blogger gregra&gar said...

Sorry Guys, while realizing anyone can change, I still have a hard time forgetting Al's eight year dormancy as vice-president and total washout in his campaign for president in 2000. Here in Austin, the Chronicle published devastating indictments of Bush's dangerous incompetence as governor case by case week after week for six months leading up to election time — none of which was even mentioned by Gore or any other Democrat. It made me aware of the fact that there is no two party system in America and the latest capitulation of the democrats to Bush only confirms it. Maybe Gore could be a better Green party candidate than he could as a Democrat. Something's gotta change!

10:13 AM  

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