All my favorite records came out in 1979 Part Fifteen

And look how everyone in the audience has these 3D glasses on or these Bootsy Collins glasses. So, how cool would you have to be to have an audience of Bootsy Collinses?

You'd have to be pretty cool, dawg.

Catholicness? Catholicisity? Catholissitude? catholicism.

The lowercase version of this word seems to have been popping up recently so I'm going to grab it.

It pleases me to remember that when I was 14, in 1979, I was just as batshit about Neil Young (Rust Never Sleeps AND Live Rust) as I was about anyone with fucked up hair and ripped sweaters. The young are always lowercase catholic. The convenience of categorization comes later.

I went to see this movie in Bonn Germany. I was, of course, alone, and I was, of course, assed on Red Leb. What a fuckin' great thing. What a concert. Just the sort of thing 1979 people would love and 2005 people would be all "wuhhh....?" They'd be like "hnnnnnnn?" I love that one- "hnnnnn..." "hnnnnn?" It's so "adenoidal". It's all "adenoidal"."

There are songs you perform as a musician that make you sound good. "No Matter What" by Badfinger is one notable example. "Twist And Shout" if done well. "Bring It On Home To Me" by Sam & Dave.

I mention this because "Live Rust" is the kind of record that as a human being makes you seem good. To love "Live Rust" is an edifying thing and is something to be proud of. After all, this album does contain live versions of "Cinnamon Girl", "Killer Cortez" and "Like A Hurricane" played by Crazy Horse. The ragged power of this collection sounds like Beelzebub horking a clam. It's like an old 318 with sticky lifters and you have to drop Rislone in but it's still runnin', burning oil.

See, in 1979 there was room for "Live Rust" on the shelves next to "Armed Forces". It was that kind of time, you know? It was just sort of one of those "cool" eras where stuff is "cool" and everything's pretty much "O.K.".

I like how I've perfected the record review that consists of a)deciding whether you like or hate a record and b) finding hilarious ways of describing either its goodness or badness.

One review of one of my records was all about how it smelled like cigarettes. that was awesome.

But anyway...where was I? Oh, yeah- so, 1979, boy. when they made that year they broke the mold, y'know wh'am sayin'. 1979 was sort of like 2005 except without all the, like, stuff that happened and all the bad, soulless horrible cynical music, and the thing with everyone being insane.

I think that's really the toughest thing about 2005, y'know? The thing with everyone being fucking lunatics. I mean, what happened in 1979? The soviets invaded afghanistan, big fucking deal. Vietnam took over Cambodia. big fucking woop. Those Cambodians had been begging for it, all dying and shit on the Killing Floor. So, and then China invades Vietnam. Heh. It's like the picture of the fishies. Even th' political crises of 1979 were cooler than ours. What have we got that's cool? What's in our headlines? The Humans For Oil project? Osama and Jennifer break up? The Pope dying? Hey, that one's rich- that's sort of like having a headline story every day about the coastline eroding. The freakish, cultlike Christian Right wanting to maintain a human rutabega's Quality of Life? Social Security going Public?

How's this for a headline: "World Mysteriously Cranks Itself Back To 1979 And All Is Well."

I should do some more cartoons. All this writing is hard work. All the research. Like, for this entry alone I had to a)find the cover of live rust b)find the track listing because I couldn't remember a god damned thing, c) I had to type "what the christ happened in 1979?" in Google and wait .0002 seconds before 18 hours of research could be done for me in .0002 seconds.

That's one cool thing about 2005. That and "Need For Speed Underground" on Game Cube. And digital recording and computer editing is O.K. I can make an album for 1500 bucks that in 1979 would have cost 150,000. Of course, no one cares because everyone else on the face of the planet can do the same thing and then whoever figures out how to shriek the loudest sells copies regardless of what it actually sounds like and I'm a terrible shrieker.

And Dunkin Donuts has those cinnamon stick things. Which brings me back to "Cinnamon Girl".

Boy was "Live Rust" awesome. Everybody knows that.