Superdog- Butt-sniffin' leg-liftin' Pope

Why can't Superdog be Pope? Superdog rocks. Superdog can sniff an ass on another planet with one mighty whiff. Think about how liberating it would be for Catholics everywhere if Superdog was Pope.
Superdog gets his superstrength by eating cat turds from the planet Xenon where cats rule supreme. Superdog thinks that Xenon catpoop is food because there's something in cat dump that makes dogs think it's edible. I don't know what it is. If I knew, you think my mouth would water around the litterbox? No, it wouldn't. I'd have a handle on this thing.
What's that? You're not familiar with Superdog? Huh? Not my problem, Caballero. Fuckin' Read Up, gang. I mean, who the Christ knew who Dick Chaney was? Mebbe if we had just been a little more up on shit we could have avoided this nightmare. He just sort of appeared by magic. Splat. Right on the windshield of th' collective unconscious. Yeah, I wish it was just the windshield on my car, too. But nooooo, we have to sit around while this guy sucks air in through his ass and out his gills. In, out, in, out. It's fucking inexorable. It's well-nigh inexorable. Sometimes I think we conjured him out of our own nightmares.
What would happen to Dick Chaney if Superdog was Pope? Nothing good. Y'know how dogs always seem to know who's evil? Well, Jesus- fuckin' regular dogs run yelping from this dude. I've SEEN it. Happened with Kissinger, too. Creepy. Superdog? Superdog would have this cannibal off our planet in like five seconds if he was Pope. It would be, like, his second decree, right after instituting world wide Yoga so that we poor humans could finally know the taste of our own genitalia. It would be:

1. Get humans on the path of righteousness.
2. Get that god damn Dick Chaney into the vacuum where he belongs.
3. Dismantle the military industrial complex.
4. Take large squirt on Vatican steps.

If Superdog was Pope we'd have us a tight ship in no time flat.

Superdog- Butt-sniffin', leg-liftin' Pope.