Kings of th' Whole Ding Busted World!!

Why all the time does it have to be the country w/ the most artillery gets to run all the fuckin' crap? Jesus! Have you ever thought about how god damn dangerous that is? Somebody's going to get their eye out fucksake. you know who I bet thinks that's stupid beyond doubt? My mom! Did your mom let you run around playing with Tek 9's and flippin' hollowtips? My mom would have tanned my hide within an inch of my life! Jesus! My mom? My mom would be livid if she ever found out I was appointing myself cop o' the world because I had guns. I mean, don't get me wrong- there's a couple things I could've done more to Mom's liking. Hey! Fuck! We're good, though, you know? But, yeah. She'd be pretty bent. It would be like that time I got hammered in 11th grade but thirty times worse.

The best way I have to gauge how my Mom must think about some of my choices is if I picture Sal The Feist making choices like that. That puts it into perspective for me, you know? Because she's a tough little customer but she's just a little feist. I want her to always have good teeth and a warm place to sleep.

I wouldn't want her to sleep in a van in Hillywood. Wouldn't want her to go around bodychecking program directors at commercial radio stations and watching payola switch hands in her name. To have to be in a band with some idiot like Frank Dolan. Guh. Jesus, you see what Triumph the Comic Insult Dog went through. It's tough on a dog, man. I want Sal th' Feist always thinking the world is a huge plaything put there for her to enjoy and pounce at. And to watch her get psyched when spring comes because of the runoff and she can fish for bubbles in the stream.


Let's think about maybe letting th' country with the most POT run things. Just a thought, you know? I remember in Burrough's superlative Junky he talks about dealing all different kind of drugs and how selling weed to the tea-heads is the biggest pain in the ass. Because they always want to hang around and yap.

So whaddya reckon the country with the most POT is? Mexico, maybe? Somewhere in Latin America? Burma or some shit? Who knows? Maybe I'll look it up on the internets?

Jesus, the way everybody is calling it the internets is the funniest god damn christing thing. Oh, that is a guffaw an' a chortle. Un chortelle.

allright- google- "the country with the most marijuana". copy. paste. 16,000,439 results.

Hmmmm. My concentration ain't what it used to be.

Rufus Wainwright's "Grey Gardens" from Poses. Goodness. Playing with that theme like a god damn hackey sack. Like a ping pong ball on a waterbed. And the bass. And there's that modulation that's sere and astringent for an instant but goes completely lush. This is the kind of song that for me is beyond the usual jealousy; it puts the bar so high that for once I don't feel disgusted with the cruddy quality of popular music. And that it has no use for me.

Rufus. Calvin Theatre Northampton. Early November. Me and Lori. Front of the balcony. Liftoff, motherfuckers. LIFTOFF.

yeah, so maybe the country with the most smoke. It'll be like high school. Fuckin' America will be the football star dude and England will be like the cheerleader with the most talent. And fucking Bolivia and Mexico and Laos will be hanging out behind the gym running the fucking world. They'll be late to class 'n the teacher will be pissed but they'll be like, "hey, we're trying to run the world here, vato."

And when crap goes down somewheres and they have to make the scene and administer some of their healing fumes to some pissed off tinpot shit head tryin' to move some god damn army into some backwater or another they'll get hall passes.

Hall passes.

To run the world. With the most reefer. Kings of the world!

Kings of th' Whole Ding Busted World!


Blogger Nobody said...

You lucky, lucky bastard.

I've actually heard a bootleg of a Rufus Show where he starts singing 'Over The Rainbow' and the audience starts *laughing* 'cause they think he's Being Ironic.

He then proceeds to sincerely sing the *hell* out of that song, and you can hear the confused silence in the audience, waiting for it to be over so they can go back to what they consider is 'cool'.

Morons. They don't deserve to be there.

11:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hei Feath- like your problem- new solution- maybe those with the most marbles- um, no. That won't work either. Anon

12:17 PM  
Blogger Kevin Wolf said...

I've smoked like, twice? Could never really take cigs, even.

But I'd vote for your WWG (World Weed Government).

There's one arse won't get a hall pass from me. I think you can guess who.

6:33 PM  

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