Bobby Lightfoot's Cosmo Articles #1: How To Blow Your Guy's Mind In Bed

What the fuck is stupider than Cosmopolitan magazine? In the universe? Maybe VH1. Just maybe.

So, I've been thinking about maybe submitting an article or two to see if I can make a li'l extra dosh on the side! Tell me what you think! Here we fucking go!

HOW TO BLOW YOUR GUY'S MIND IN BED
By Bobby Lightfoot

Ladies! You know you live for gettin' your stupid date all worked up between th' sheets! It's all you think about! That's right! So here's ten handy tips! Stupid!

1. Take off your clothes.
2. Wear a diaper.
3. Show him one tit and tell him he doesn't get to see the other until the garage is painted.
4. Pretend you're a guy.
5. Let him have sex with you.
6. Keep calling him "Donkey Boy".
7. When he's on top keep saying, "Gray...I think I'll paint the ceiling...gray..."
8. Act like you don't find him worthy of nothing but disdain.
9. Take a pointer from those hot Hasidim: Do it through a sheet.
10. Pretend you like it.

Sweet! I'm going to do another!