6/10/2006

I Knew This Fuckin' Guy


I knew this fuckin' guy who had this hip problem and had to get some fuckin' surgery. Fucker comes to in his hospital bed afterwards and not only is his hip fuckin' good as gold, he's pitched this ungodly tent that's like a god damn foot high.

Seems when they went in to repair some artery or some shit to increase th' blood flow they also inadvertently enlarged the bone supply artery if you get my drift.

So th' nurse comes in to check on the fuckin' guy and there he is with this Collosus Of Rhodes and she of course flips and you know the rest. And then this.

So, check it- I knew this other fuckin' guy. Same thing, man. So he goes in for th' surgery on his hip and next thing you know he wakes up post op and he suddenly knows all this shit, like Unified Field Theory and crap.

So he solves Global Warming and he gets laid CONSTANTLY.

Then there was this fuckin' dude in Delaware. You guessed it- fuckin' hip problem. Goes in for X-rays and they're like, "yeah, your hip's sort of fucked up, but GUESS WHAT?"

Turns out there's a picture of the fuckin' Virgin Mary on his hip and when they take the fucker out up it goes on EBAY faster'n you can say Peter I can see your house from here. How much you think he makes?

I'll fucking tell you, citizen. He makes six million dollars. AND SINCE HE'S RICH NOW HE DOESN'T HAVE TO PAY A FUCKING CENT IN TAXES.

OH, YOU THINK I'M DONE?

There's this guy- I KNOW this guy. Lives in fucking Ware. Had this blood supply shit going on with his hip. So they drill in and fix that shit and they give him some bone from some dead fucker. Guess who?

Guy is higher than a bat's ass FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE. Without spending a DIME.

Way I see it, next fucker's going to end up with a HUGE FUCKING CAWK, A 250 IQ, 10 MILLION DOLLARS AND A SWEET BUZZ FOR FUCKING LIFE.

And I'll still be sitting here typing away and praying they use my fucking song on Fear Factor so I can net a couple hundred. Fuck.

8 Comments:

Blogger fgfdsg said...

Fear Factor, whatever that is? Judging from the name, they shoudl be be using Haysi Fantaysee.

10:07 PM  
Blogger fgfdsg said...

That shoudl be shoudl.

10:08 PM  
Blogger roxtar said...

I knew a guy once who had that operation, and shortly afterwards became a part of a new breed.
Smokin' only the best weed.
Hangin' out with the so called "Hippie set."

He was seen in all the right places.
Seen with just the right faces.
He should have been satisfied, but it wasn't quite right.

It's enough to make you wanna dump out yo' trick bag.

5:44 AM  
Blogger Bobby Lightfoot said...

Did he...raise his conscious level?

Ha ha. Wegroes like me love singing that kind of lyric.

7:16 AM  
Blogger Kevin Wolf said...

But nobody ever does answer the question, what is hip?

Tell me tell me, I wanna know just what hipness is...

8:28 AM  
Blogger XTCfan said...

Aw ... yer a nice brother, brutha.

8:22 PM  
Blogger beyond passionate said...

Man, I'm so pre-ironic I could use a hip transplant.

9:54 PM  
Blogger Bobby Lightfoot said...

And in response to the eternally unanswered question, my response is this:

Hipness is what it is. And sometimes hipness is...what it ain't.

8:41 PM  

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