Fame: Yesterday And Today: Final Draft
How To Get Famous:1966: Be really, really, really talented and fuck the right person.
2006: Fuck the right person.
Scenario 2:
1966: Be really, really talented and experience many serendipitous moments of luck
2006: Experience many serendipitous moments of luck.
Scenario 3:
1966: Be Mick Jagger
1976: Fuck Mick Jagger
1986: Arrest Mick Jagger
1996: Be Mick Jagger's kid
2006: Kill Mick Jagger
Scenario Whatever It Is:
1966: Get shot in Dallas
1986: Get shot on "Dallas"
2006: Blow up half of Dallas
How To Get Unfamous:
1966: Go to India and parlay your fortune into a nice li'l nest egg. So you can walk around barefoot th' rest of your life.
2006: Do something that doesn't suck.
How To Get Famous Again After Being Unfamous:
1966: Write an amazing book about your experiences walking around barefoot and how they helped you grow.
2006: Murder someone and write a book about the planning stages.
How To "Cross Over":
1966: Have a b-side that sounds like a kid's song.
1996: Have a b-side about a thong
2006: Attack a kid's b-side with
your prong."Creating A Buzz"
1966: Get fat and then thin again
2006: Get thin and then fat again. And kill someone.
"Stretching Creatively"
1966: Put a sitar on a track
2006: Kill your sister for crack
"Getting Back To Your Roots"
1966: Record live
2006: Record with only ten computers and only use auto-pitch-correct...on th' vocals.
Your "Solo Career":
1966: Start a new band with new members. Name it after yourself.
2006: Use the same band, just change the name to your name. Put them on 15,ooo dollar salaries. The label said so.
posted by Bobby Lightfoot at 16:37
3 Comments:
1966: Bobby Lighfoot opens for the Beatles.
1986: Bobby Lightfoot opens for the Police.
2006: Bobby who?
Fuck, man, this post was brilliant. Funny and true. But you knew that.
I think I heard Britney sing once. Remember that scene in... what was it... the movie Pi, I think? ... where the guy takes a Black & Decker drill to his own head. Had to fight off that urge.
Oddly, though, she does look sorta hot in that pic you chose.
1966: Change your last name to avoid being confused with a guy in an albeit decent gimmick band.
1993: Change your name to an unpronounceable symbol because you just realized you work for the Dutch East India Company of record labels.
2006: Change your name because Shawn Corey Carter or Shad Gregory Moss sounds a little too wussy -- i.e., doesn't sound like you could kill someone.
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