Bobby Lightfoot Guest Post: SHAKEDOWN ON WORTHINGTON STREET
Ah, friends of freedom everywhere, I must jump in amidst th' questionable brilliance of Anoush and relate yet another fascinating incident from Th' Rock Life.Perhaps I should approach the episode as a series of "Lessons Learned", th' better to make myself understood to you corporate types.
LESSONS LEARNED 11.29.06
1. Never go to Springfield, Massachusetts.
2. If you must, never arrange to meet Ace McClintock in a parking area on Worthington Street to retrieve a CD.
3. If you must, do not enter Mr. McClintock's vehicle for the purpose of watching a recent video shoot on portable DVD player.
4. If you must, make sure a meeting has not also been arranged with a potential drummer who needs a CD to learn songs.
5. If you must, make sure the drummer does not call on cell phone to state he is also in the parking lot DO NOT FLASH HEADLIGHTS TO SIGNAL YOUR LOCATION.
6. If you must, DO NOT EXPECT OR REQUEST A RETURN FLASHING OF HEADLIGHTS.
7. If you must, do not let large African American drummer and his friend Benson approach and enter your car.
8. If you must, DO NOT PASS CDS BACK AND FORTH IN THE FUCKING CAR.
9. IF YOU MUST, DON'T BE FUCKING SURPRISED IF 4 PLAINCLOTHES VICE PIGS DESCEND ON YOU LIKE THE BLACK FUCKING PLAGUE.
10. IF YOU MUST, MAKE SURE YOUR LEGS ARE FAR ENOUGH APART WHEN YOU ARE SHOVED FACE FIRST INTO THE HOOD OF TH' CAR.
11. IF YOU CAN'T, MAKE SURE TO PICK UP ALL YOUR BELONGINGS WHEN THEY ARE THROWN AND SCATTERED ABOUT THE PARKING LOT.
12. IF THE CAR IS TO BE TORN TO SHREDS MAKE SURE YOU KNOW HOW TO PUT IT BACK TOGETHER. YOU ARE ENCOURAGED TO NOT TRAVEL WITH ELECTRONICS OR DELICATE GLASS ITEMS AS THEY GENERALLY DO NOT SURVIVE RAPID TRIPS TO THE GROUND.
13. DON'T BE STUPID. IT AIN'T LIKE THE OLD DAYS. WE AREN'T IN MOTHERFUCKING KANSAS ANYMORE.
posted by Bobby Lightfoot at 20:45
8 Comments:
OMFFFFFFFFFFFG!
Have to say, though, it's actually Exactly Like the Old Days:
I got busted
Coming through Customs
With a suitcase
Full of tapes
It was a special
Tape recording
And they grabbed me
While I was boarding
And they beat me
And they hurt me
And they told me
They don't like me
And we crashed
In my Nash
And we crashed
In my Nash...
Oh, my fucking god. The Air. The Air.
It's like th' fuckin' Da Vinci Code. It's all connected.
Now I know how I die. Now I know how we all die. The fucking gypsy LIED.
Sweet!
White people consorting with black people? You were looking for trouble, man. It's your own fault.
Didn't they know you were only teasing?
A similar (but way less dramatic) thing happened to me once in high school when I was in high school. Luckily a) none of us had anything on us, though not for lack of trying, and b) though scuzzy looking, me and my friends were all on the lucky side of the Chicago police's racial profiling, so we were handled gently.
Good thing you don't have any Arabs in your band, or you'd all be waterboarding in a Syrian jail right now.
I agree.
Avoid the ever living shit out of Springfield.
Holyoke is no Garden of Eden.
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