Dr. Devendra Answers To Your Vexing Rock Health Questions #6

Dear hard rocking friends, once again it has come th' time to address your problems and issues as regarding rock health! With me, Anoush Devendra. Because I have a degree in Rock Medicine.

Let us begin!

Dear Dr. Devendra:

I'm noticing that it's getting harder and harder to stomp on my pedal such that the bass drum resounds like God's own heartbeat. Also, there's a lingering aftertaste of vodka-soaked bangers and mash mixed with bile acids in my mouth that I just can't get rid of. Any suggestions?

-John Bonham

My Dear Friend John;

Allow me first to give to you many compliments on your work on Zeppelin IV. My, that is a bitching album indeed, my headband-clad dead friend!

Your problems, you will be gratifying to know, are but dust on a gentle breeze! Firstly, I would suggest a double-beater kick pedal on both of your kick drums! This way you will be as four drummers! No fancy paradiddle shujneej for you, Mr. Bonham: simply kick them both at same time! I believe this technique is hinted at in the wonderful "Four Sticks" from the wonderful Zeppelin IV album!

As far as the aftertaste of choked-upon meat and potatoes and vodka you will be happy to learn that I gave the recipe for a wonderful breath elixir to your colleague great Mr. Jimmy Page. It involves eye of newt and a few pints of infant blood but will be worth every trip to Burma!

I am thanking you!

Dr. Anoush Devendra

Dr. Doctor Devendra:

Before I leave a question, I must ask something re your credentials. How can I be sure you will doctor my rock properly?And BTW, were you at Woodstock?

Sincerely,Wondering & Rocking

Ah, my dear W and R;

Sincere inquisition is always welcome for the skeptical; it allows me to be blowing upon my own horn you see!

My credentials is this: I am a Doctor In Rock Medicine! I have degree in Rock Medicine. Thank you for the asking.

Unfortunately, my dear fellow, I can not tend to your rock. I would never be so unprofessional as to be steeping out of my field! May I suggest you contact a true Stone Doctor? I, Anoush, would not know the difference between an igneous and a parliamentary rock!

Unfortunately, I was not being at Woodstock. I had in fact come for the sacred ewent, but when Pete Townshend kicked Tiny Tim off the stage I was forced to leave and tend to the Mr. Tim's bruised buttocks. Now it is I who require buttock assistance from years of the kicking upon my own! Ha!

Yours in Rock Doctoring,

Anoush Devendra, Doctor of Rock (not stones you see)

Dear Dr. Devendra,

My town recently held a 'Herman's Hermits' concert, yet apparantly the official 'HH' are either the ones who were in Las Vegas that night with Peter Noone, or the ones who were in Swindon that night with the drummer! The other three are out of the business, (and in one case, life). So who the hell was playing in my town's Civic Theatre last weekend?

And is it wrong for me to really love 'I'm Into Something Good'?

Herman's Whosits

Dear Sir Hen-er-y The Eighth;

I am not knowing this answer! I did once tend to Herman for a hernia, however. These are such lonely men!

For the liking of "I'm Into Something Good" there is no recriminationery. There indeed you are into something good! Another favorite of mine from this period of wonder is "I'm Telling You Now" by the wondrous Freddie and His Dreamers! Such dancing! Such singing! It brings to me memories of the many!

Your Rock Doctor,

Dr. Anoush Devendra


Blogger Kevin Wolf said...

Dear Dr. A. Devendra:

In performance in 1998, I fell off a stage and injured my left fulcrum. I have been living with pain ever since and my fans don't seem to care: they just want me to keep rocking on, the selfish bastards.

Is it time to retire to Bali or have you a prescription?

A Big Rock Star

2:55 PM  
Blogger Neddie said...

Dear Doctor,

Please help me. I'm damaged.

There's a pain where there once was a heart!

It's sleepin', its a-beatin', won't you please tear it out and preserve it right there in that jar?

Glimmer Twins,
Down in Virginny with your Cousin Lou

3:45 PM  
Anonymous Jeff Lynne said...

Dear Doctor DiVendra,

My expelled intestinal gasses smell like Altoids and my breath smells like excrement.

What do I suffer from?


8:51 PM  

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