Robert Lightfoot's Poetry Week #3: Me 'n' Ned

Me 'n' Ned

Ned's more prone to reasoning and ratiocination
Me, I like to brag on frequency of masturbation
He might tell you clever stuff and give you reading tips
Me, I'm glad that I've still got both my childbearing hips

He's got the hair, I've got th' height
We shared th' brains between us
But if I recall from swimmin' holes
He has th' larger penis

Some day I'm sure he'll be th' old folks home's best fuckin' dancer
Reckon I'll go at fifty or so from lung or bladder cancer

He has living proof that all his soldiers are still swimmin'
But I've had weirder sex with far more questionable women

I've met Snoop and Flea and ducked the flying walls in Northridge
But he's on first-name terms with someone talented- A. Partridge

He says shit that gives you hope, I write fucked-up shit on dope
About th' nun that phoned the Pope and healed up all her cartlidge

I've got polyps in my throat, he got stitched up 'hind his scrote
He got surg'ry up his hole, I've got scars about my soul

I love that fuckin' goddamn dude
And I care not who knoweth
And any who takes offence thence
Upon my sac may bloweth


Blogger Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

Nice one... you should set it to music and work it into your solo shows. The polyps/throat / stitched-up scrote line was my fave.

8:28 PM  
Blogger teh l4m3 said...

You are the sweetest brother to write that. Even if you do have a penchant for dodgy, unclean women.

9:42 PM  
Anonymous cleek said...

bra voe

7:23 AM  
Blogger Kevin Wolf said...

Pardon me while a grab some Kleenex. You really had me at "cartilage."

7:34 AM  
Blogger Neddie said...

What's with all the fuckin' poetry all of a sudden? Did I miss a memo?

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Great to be me
Sucks to be you!

You're the nicest brother I ever had!

1:54 PM  

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