3/28/2007

cHILDREN'S letTERS TO GOD.


Woah! It's like Children's Letters To God! Heh!

Look at the adorable li'l white child and his equally devout dog! Kid's praying for a cell phone! The dog's like a politician with a MBA- he knows that every now and then you gotta walk th' walk if you want a biskit and a warm, corduroy-clad leg to frot upside of. of

Look at that future erupting Federal Building in th' thought bubble above that little kid's face. You can almost read the fuckin' street number. Little terrorist bastard. I say waterboard the little fuck NOW. WATERBOARD HIM. And TAKE OUT HIS FUCKIN' VILLAGE. Maybe it's not too late for the dog to save him.

Jesus told me once that he hates that shit. He can see right through it. All that innocent people dying war stuff. What did he say about it? He had some phrase he kept using. And if I told th' fucking guy once I told him SIX TIMES that I don't like it when he grabs th' back of my head. Because then I can't see God tumblin' his nuts. Did I say that.

Jesus has this fuckin' terrier Max and the fuckin' dog is ALWAYS fucking with shit and it bugs me and once Max knocked Jesus over and it's a good thing I was there because he would have hung himself. Explain THAT shit as a suicide. With Rush spilled all over the place. Fuck! And six busted poppers right on the little dead slave boy's back.

Ah, it's just the price one pays for being the Hoovervac in th' Holy Trinity Sandwich, I suppose.

Yeah. You know, me and Jesus and God went out and smoked a little rock one night and we wound up at this night club where they had one of those hypnotist dudes and we volunteered and the guy hypnotized God to where he thought he was Catherine Zeta Jones and he's all making out with Jesus but you KNOW IT'S A FRONT BECAUSE DUDE IT'S FUCKIN' GOD AND HE'S OMNIPOTENT SO YOU TOTALLY KNOW IT'S JUST AN EXCUSE TO SUCK FACE WITH WHATSISNAME.

It just cracks me up because God's supposed to be this fuckin' hardass and he's like Downlowin' it with this black janitor at th' mall. Sneaking around. Makes me sick.

Anyway, so I'm out driving with God and he's driving his black fuckin' Escalade and we see a deer and he actually swerves to hit it. Like a total cock. Bad timing too because fuckin' Ronald Reagan almost bites his schwerma off. And what's worse is God grabs his machine pistol from th' glovebox and he squeezes off rounds into the deer's legs and shit before he finishes it. He's a complete sadist. And Reagan's laughing his head off. Sometimes I can't believe I hang out with these guys. God's always doing shit like making people drive forks into their eyes and tongue-kiss their children just to fuck with them. You'd think he would've gotten sick of it after however many billions of years but he's such a fuckin' little JAP. And when Ron and Jesus are around it's like this total oneupsmanship thing. Bunch of heartless little JAPs running around some lousy mall in Encino with mouthfuls of Raisinets and braces and cum. Gum. Gum.

2 Comments:

Blogger Ben said...

Aww, how sweet. And inspirational. If I had a job I'd print this and put it on the wall of my cubicle. That's probably why I don't have a job.

2:30 PM  
Blogger Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

I think you nailed it with the dog. He earned himself a plate of something good with that one.

As for the rest of it... Lemme guess... Were you raised Catholic, too?

4:59 PM  

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