4/04/2007

Antidotes To Their Various Poisons


Mix a paste of mineral water and baking soda. Apply directly into the ear canals and allow to dry.












A long, hot shower is administered followed by two hours of reading Das Kapital or Leviathan. At the end of this period the ears are boxed three times with sufficient force to dislodge remaining shit from brain.











Treat for shock; standard antitoxicity procedure for rabid rat attack. If testicles are iced they can be reattached by a surgeon.

Magic circle has been proven effective as a deterrent.

Six years of intensive talk therapy is suggested as a follow-up.
















DickCheneyOff is available in most CVS pharmacies.

In a pinch, eighteen Epi-Pen syringes may be applied to th' forehead













Induce vomiting; standard intensive insulin delivered in I.V.

Protracted bedrest in darkened room.

Rectal examination to ascertain presence of polyps.







600 days strict bedrest.

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3 Comments:

Anonymous mdhatter said...

ace

12:06 AM  
Blogger EmployeeoftheMonth said...

An elaborate series of soaking sessions in a hot tub.

Followed by the administration of 2 H. Upmann Cuban Preciosas inhalation therapy.

Augmented with a battery of the following recipe compounded by a licensed professional:

2 oz gin
5 oz tonic water
1 lime wedge

10:00 AM  
Blogger Kevin Wolf said...

I find a rubber mallet to the forehead solves all kinds a' problems.

4:30 PM  

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