8/11/2006

Parables Of Th' Retarded Fuckface Jesus #2: Retarded Fuckface Jesus and Th' Prostitunes of Mishthahlon

One day Retarded Fuckface Jesus and all his disciples strode into the temple of a Sabbath and found there the moneylenders swapping shekels and whatnot about the place. Thick with myrhh was th' air of the temple, and redolent with gypsies and all manner of dancing harlotans.

"Verily this is not the place where thy lord seeping discharge is honored with sacrifice," quoth The Retarded Fuckface Jesus, full of ire to see th' temple thus defiled.

"Forgive us, oh Retarded Fuckface Jesus," spoke the leader of the moneylenders, "and allow us to put forth a boon of these many dancing prostitunes for thee and thy disciples, for if thy god is th' god of the seeping discharge ye shall find in three or for days that ye shall all be children of th' seeping discharge, and well-honored indeed He shall be."

Peter spake thence with a trembling voice. "Oh, Retarded Fuckface Jesus," he quoth, rending his robes in a manner frightening to behold, "where shall we repair with this dozen of prostitunes that we may all have modesty and privacy whence to cavort?"

Th' Retarded Fuckface Jesus rubbed th' bread from his beard and ponder'd.

"Shall we go to the caves of Nivea, those of the Dry Sea?" queried Jehosephat.

"Or bychance shall we repair to the Urns Of Flatula, the better to cavort?" asked Brutus Of Narnia.

A smile broke about the face of Th' Retarded Fuckface Jesus.

"Let us henceforth repair to my dad's place," he intoned solemnly, "for in my father's house there are many rooms."

5 Comments:

Blogger fgfdsg said...

Can i send all my hate mailers your way? They'll have a field day!

4:22 AM  
Blogger Kevin Wolf said...

Verily, I am learning much from the lessons of our dear Retarded Fuckface Jesus.

Oh - and I like that it's the deluxe "Words of Fuckface Jesus Rendered in Red" edition.

10:01 AM  
Blogger roxtar said...

And one of the multitude spake unto Retarded Fuckface Jesus, and asked, "Thou sayest your father's house has many rooms, but has it a tub of heated water, and a screen of plasma not less than 4 cubits, measured diagonally?"

"Yea, verily." replied Retarded Fuckface Jesus. And so the multitides took themselves thereto henceforth, and viewed the images of Jenna of Jameson with their prosititunes, and lieth with them unto the morning of the second day, at which time the pharmaceutical manna was depleted, and they were sore and sorely spent.

Always nice to chat with a fellow theologian.....

2:55 PM  
Blogger teh l4m3 said...

Kleenex is next to godliness. Word.

8:09 PM  
Blogger Jeremy Cherfas said...

Morning of the second day, Roxtar? tiome for Plan B, I'd imagine.

12:09 PM  

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