Dude Let's Go Viral On This Shit

Here's what you fucking do- I've started already and it's catching on like wildfire.

Start callin' your buddies "Macaca". "Yo, Macaca, stop bogarting". "Hey Macaca, what's going th' fuck on?" "Hey Macaca, don't go into th' club yet you've got blow crumbs in yer nose."

Then when everybody's doin' it we can locate George Allen and fuck him in th' ass with a red-hot poker.

See the logic? The narrative of it?

Actually, I'm just trying to trick people into helping me carry out this righteous act.

You bite?


Th' Lightfoot Pools

All right, so here's the question:

Now that this shit has gone down, many days until gas goes back up to $3.15?

I'm going to break th' ice and throw out, say, 12 days.

Ah, fuck. It's for th' best.



filled 3/4 up!

I LOVE you f-fucking guys



Got Th' Bubbler Packed, Got Th' Tek 9 Loaded

In a few short hours I'll know whether I'm in for a three-state killin' spree or bonghits 'n' Beatles.

Bonghits, Beatles 'n' Bullets.

This is it, man. This is the Crossroads. This is where Ralph Macchio smokes Steve Vai or gets his head cut.

This is where I finally decide whether I hate America or maybe we should just see other countries for a little while.

Look at that little prick Santorum. Where's Squeaky Fromme when you fucking need her?


How They Get It #1 Of A Series or Hail Satan.


yeah, remember how I told you how that Kazhak gypsy told me my fate? Well, there was a bright side to learning the boring truth. I also learned th' fate of some other folks. That's why I'll be bringing you these revelatory snippets 'bout the fate of certain LITTLE RAPSCALIONS in coming days.

Let's start with these three chocklit starfish, shall we? Check it:

Fuckin' Makakastein! George Makakastein!

April 12, 2007: A delicate procedure to reattach fuckface's foreskin (rebuilt from forehead skin) goes wrong and his pecker gets infected and his brain melts like a fucking Hershey's kiss in a hooker's hip pocket. Sssquish.

And no, he ain't a fucking Senator when it happens in case you're curious. And th' fucking Lotto number is 1999 8784 343 332.

What happens to Rush? Oh, it's ugly.

Let's just say cocaine, qualudes, weed, viagra and scotch don't mix real good with autoerotic asphyxiation. Well, actually they mix real good. For us.

Rush Limbaugh: RIP 6.27.08.

Ann Coulter dies bad too. I see a mob. I see torches.

Just kidding. That's Sean Hannity.

Actually, I kill Ann Coulter. And I get a medal from President Black.

President Jack Black. And VP Kyle.

10.04.21. Rock and Roll.

Oh- extra credit: Kissinger goes right after th' new year.


Damn, a hard day's rockin'
Better slip off ma shoes
Maybe give a little stretch, and a bend
Dip m'toe to jacuzzi, baby
Slip out this book The Buttress of Windsor
Ho ho ho, who's this? How's it goin'?

That's the first thing I say to you.
How's it goin'?
Are you flowin'?
Listen honey,
Thinkin' 'bout a couple things to say to you,
Showin', growin'
Man I'd like to place my hand
upon your fuckin' sexy ass and squeeze
And squeeze!

Take off your blouse
And your underpants
Then take a look
'Cause here me and KG come naked
Out of the side-hatch
With the oils and perfume and incense
Now you're groovin'
Put on a cool '70s groove
A funky groove to fuck to
A funky groove to fuck to

Me, me and KG
It's all about sex supreme
We likes to cream jeans
Have you ever been worked on
By two guys who are hot for your snatch?
That's what I'm offerin' you
You step into our room
And then you smell the perfume
You lay upon our roundish bed
And then you feel a tickling on your head
It's KG with the feather and the French tickler
Look out baby he got the tools
And then you feel sumpin' down by your feet
It's me, it's JB, I'm suckin' upon your toes

We don't mind sucking on toes
Good luck finding a boyfriend who sucks toe, ow
Havin' sex with me and KG
Now you're talkin' double team supreme

Let's roll!

What! Yeah! Huh! Nah! Oh!
Ah, that's it, that's right, ohmygah, oh-I-think-I'm-gonna, Ohh!
Deht! Deht! Eeee!

That was the one.

Hail Satan!