Dear Jeexis

Deart BAby Jeekers I have a solemn vow to make at this ungodly hour when I tread th' boards with fear and no small amount of dread.

Dear Jeeves I swear that if you will do one small thing for me I will renounce my heathen ways and stop listening for God's voice in th' rustling leaves and the cadences and counterpoints in my mind.

If you will grant me one small boon I will instead repair myself to your father's house of th' Baptist Church of Granby ("Sunday- It's Mind Over Matress!" sp.!) and fall to my knees and never more spleak of evolution or be tempted by th' weeds of the forest. I will kneel in th' house of worship and swear off all manner of pleasures and comforts and wear one of those fuckin' things on my leg (a surplice or suplice or some shit -ed.) and whip myself with ropes soaked in glue and trailed thru broken glass.

No more will I shout of get ready 'cause here I come or we're all sensitive people or shotgun, shot it for me run now but instead sing of you and of your wonders.

I say this that I may sleep this night and dream of things other than the usual horrors that haunt my repose. I pray that I may dream instead of cherubs and seraphs and the sun shining through th' fine hairs on Kirstin Dunst's inner thighs.

Yea, grant me but one thing. And I will be your servant and messenger and won't think bad thoughts and want to drive into SUVs with yeller ribbons.

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My Shredding Generation Smokes Your Gayass Generations.

APPROPRIATING CRAZY NEGRO RHYTHMS TO WHITE POP MUSIC



Woah! I have to puke on your shoe!

I hope this record's over before I come down or I'll realize how PUTRID it is!

















Short, sharp, shocked: Talented, brilliant and ADORABLE.

Eeee-yo, motherfucker.








Limp Bizkit! YOUR suck generation's fault, kids!

Deal with it!








DRUGS




Boomers: LSD: nO HAppY CAmpERS.












My Assrocking Generation: Ooooh! Look at the CRYSTALS. Look at the lattice-like PERFECTION. So natural, so useful.

My last name is...?















This stupid generation: Crystal Meth. Wow, that looks like so much fun. Let's go to Woodstock '09 and shoot 30 people like that COOL guy.

OR maybe we can just stay home and go on MySpace and EAT OUR OWN FUCKING SKIN OFF.




WARS



Nice going, ASSHOLES. How do you sleep?

I'm fucking GLAD we spent your social security on smart fuckin' bombs.














Quick, painless.

Maybe th' politest war EVAH!

Three cheers for MY generation. Not trying to cause a big sensation!









IRAQ: Year Four.

This here is one Piece Of Shit War, my friends.

Congratufuckinglations, little Moral-Values Rovesuckers.

Fuck you for this. I'll never fucking forgive you for this or for MySpace.






SEX SYMBOLS:





Jane Fonda, you guys?

Didn't she fight for th' NVA see above???

I mean, if TRAITORS get you going I guess that's your prerog, man.












Steamy, brilliant, vulnerable.

Empowered.

Bush like the BLACK FOREST. Like it SHOULD BE. None of this weird modern landing strip crap.

Pale, milky skin, a bush like a Bantu priestess and yes, that most holy of female holy grails- no tattoos. Sex with a Strat*.

*yeah I know it's a tele






Hey, thanx for Paris, Gen Y. Oh, she's a treat. A treat. The hottest, foulest, sickest little moneygrubbing trollop to ever strangle dogs for sexual release. Oh, to be th' pea under her 23 mattresses. Be still my congealing fucking heart.

Little fucking parasites. Little robot consumers. Thanks for Paris. LOL! KMFDM! IMHO!

U R assholes.

dot com.

Why don't you kids run out and buy something.

Because that's WHAT YOU'RE GOOD AT.

Fucking zombies.







EPOCH-DEFINING ROCK FESTIVALS:

Woodstock!

Clapstock!

Self-Indulgo-stock!

Right?

LOOK AT THOSE DISGUSTING, FILTHY, BORING HIPPIES. WIDDLE-FUCKING WIDDLE, YOU FOUL HIPPIES.




LIVE AID, BABY!

Th' entire continent of Africa was all a-click with the news of heap good food that day!

And Duran Duran looked RAVISHING.







Heyyy! Woodstock '99!

If you don't give me your fucking Ketamine I'll stab you to death with my Anthony fucking Keidis action figure!

Nice GOING, guys.






PRESIDENTS!




Cooling his heels in Hell!

That's a big zero for th' Trickster!















Energy and Environment Visionary, Avatar of Peace, inventor of The Internet. A laying-on of his hands will very likely clean up unsightly excema.

A perfect 10 of presidential, um, ness.








Hole-in-watermelon-fucking, compulsively-lying, quadruple-dealing spoiled-brat little shitbag for whom an entire New Wing will have to be added in Hades. No doubt on a No-Bid contract with some shit bag mob outfit like fucking Bechtel or Shitwater.

Possibly the biggest dirt bag currently drawing breath on Planet Earth. The nexus, the event horizon of this entire shitty world.

NICE GOING, ASSHOLES.







SCARY BLACK REBEL MEN THAT MAKE YOU FEAR FOR YOUR DAUGHTER





Sly? Sly?

Guy fights like a little bitch.














Bob Marley:

Fucking SHREDDED at Live Aid.
















Woah! The sweet, cloying smell of teargas follows this sick little murdering turd like a bad fart.

Down with Scoop Doggy Poop!

Down with his generation! Buyin' and killin' more and more every day.



'Nuff said! Lightfoot out!