5/31/2006

With Sincerest Apologies To Anonymous



Yeah, I ran a very important and informative piece on FM radio mavens of yesteryear Ken McKenzie 'n' Pud last ??????? ?????? 5 2005 and was delighted to receive word from an anonymous source this morning that both Ken and Pudzie are rockin' on in th' media industry to this very day!!!!!

Man, gives you hope, don't it! The information runs thus:
Ken or Pud is not dead! Pud or Sara as she is more commonly known is the manager or a national Audio Visual Company and Ken now owns his own Creative Media Company.. ps your all a bunch of horrible bastards!

Anonymous, I must sincerely apologize for so many errors in my reporting that I don't know where to start! First off, I surmised that Putz quote Probly wound up turning tricks or dead in a alley with a syringe sticking out of her forehead. And her superior vena cava unquote. Not truesky!

And I believe I described Ken as being "a rotting corpse with a bad bowl haircut"! Wrongeriffic! Woah!

Y'know, I really hate to do this but I was sort of put up to this by some folks that probably should bear some of th' responsibility. Far be it from me to be a whistleblower but I'm a firm, firm believer in justice, and to an extent I was manipulated by some fairly rotten folks.

Fist off, (fist off! It's like a new Porn Olympics Event! Woah!) there Kevin Wolf, a shady character who lives to spout liberal misinformation and contempt for order and authority. Just look what he's got on his blog today. Disgusting.

Secondly, I was browbeaten by another muckraking delinquent called Pinko Punko. This dude! Woah! I wouldn't have dreamed of printing such smear without the endless armtwisting of this indolent wag.

There's too many others to mention, Anonymous. Characters like Ned Jingo, a socialist. Also there was The Viscount Lacarte, an anarchist who lives to disturb Th' Current Order. He is a hideous little man who insists on attacking luminaries like Bill Frist and Hitler. May I also mention Simon, who is by his own confession a homosexual???? And who documents his gay exploits on THE INTERNET!!!!

There was a drugtaker named Soundsurfr. Also involved was a Defender Of Criminals named Roxtar. He has facilitated the freedom of countless drug dealers, prostitutes and CEO's.

Countless others were involved. Indolent musicians like "XTCfan" a man whose love for misinformation is matched only by his MDA addiction. Others, like Th' Brentmeister General, Employee Of The Month and Ben Sadock stood in the shadows, their complicity clear and bold. Another homosexual named
TEH L4M3 promised to leak lies about my fondling his male organs if I did not proceed with this infamy.

I may never live down the shame of this event, but I shall at least vow to route out and help point th' long arm of justice to some of the evildoers who put me up to this.

I'm sorry, Anonymous. I'm sorry, Ken. And most of all, yes, forgive me, li'l Pundtz. Sorry for calling you Ken's "little carry-on". Long may you rent slide projectors.

P.S. I don't know if it's a symptom of my own particular mental illness but I gotta say it's cathartic to be called a horrible bastard. I don't know if it's because I don't experience enough honesty or what. Plus the context is sort of playful. I like it. I am a horrible bastard in the best sense of the word.

Or at least I try.

This font color reminds me of mint ice cream when I was a kid and still believed in things.