DO YOU LIKE FROOT
Man, I was drivin' th' other day and enjoying seven or eight delicious tangerines! Phuck are those good! And you can eat all you want! Unlike all that other stuff that turns your guts into wretched, bilious slime. Turns you into a little fuckin' gasbag consoomer. Taking up room and breathing valuable air.
And i was thinkin' about how I've had a life of fruit-eating and I was thinking of the many rituals involved. Y'know, everybody eats froots in their own specific way. Those tangemarines? With me? It's- peel 'em off circularly in one piece. Section into halves so you can pull th' white stringy shit outta the middle. Out the window with that biodegrable white crap! Not th' peel, though. It has STPs on it. Then, section by section we pop 'em in and break th' skin with th' lower front teeth. Fuck, fuck, fuck are tangerines GOOD.
And you can eat all you want! What else is there like that?
how do you eat tangerines!
It's so fucking fascinating- it's like orthinology. All th' ways of eating those froots.
Here's how I eat some other froots:
GRAPES:
Grapes are great! I like to string 'em onto a string like a necklace and then I eat them in reverse, if you get m'meaning. woah! And then pop 'em out one by one! Woo-ha. So chilly and loving.
APPLES! Oh, ho ho! How do you eat apples? Man, what I do is cut a hole in th' side and piss into it just a little.
And let it cure. Maybe I'll have it then! Maybe the plug goes back in and it goes back in th' fruitbowl!
Ghandi got NOTHING on that shit. And don't fucking judge me, pelon. Tell me you've never pissed in a apple and ate it. Shit knocks out heartburn like that.
Woah! What's the next bust in th' froot eating pantheom, damas y caballentes?
MANGOES! A-WAP-BAP-A-LOO-BOP, man.
Hey, enjoy the little fuckers. You know? You know? We gave India nukes and Tallulah Bankhead in exchange for 'em. And our future.
Whatcha do with your mangoes? Any tips?
Here's what I do: I put one under each armpit and do a three-mile run. Then I rub them up and down my ass-crack and over my tanned, athletic perineum and THEN ONLY THEN do I section them with a rusty knife and shove them in my piehole. Ohh, they're heathly that way. Sometimes the smaller ones you can actually get a way enough up your nose for a little brining. Li'l of the ol' brining.
TOP that SHIT.
And yes, what is it that we do with the Humble Plantain, good sirs? Do we peel it and halve it and toast it and serve it with th' butter of the Humble Peanut? No, sirs. We do not. Do we place it fallaciouisly perchance at the creamy and cherry-festooned summit of a percipitious ice cream mountain? No, indeed. No, no, no. Not in these quarters, sirrah.
An insidgion is made in th' stem of the banaina and a steel ring passed through, attached to a small string that has been soaked in glue and rolled in crushed glass.
Banaina is then swallowed whole with the string held at th' mouth and allowed to pass through the upper descriptive system. At the juncture of the Colon to the upper archipelago an incision is made in th' mid-abdomen that permits the babana to be drawn through and out of the chesty clavity. Bleeding should be quickly staunced with burning poker or solution of lye and styptic. Removing the babnaina so that only the string remains, this is then moved back and forth using the withdrawn string and the string issuing from the mouth in a flossing motion.
Froots! EVeryone loves froot. D-DO YOU L-L-LIKE F-FROOT.
Man, that's some funny shit. I deserve happiness. Ha ha ha.
And i was thinkin' about how I've had a life of fruit-eating and I was thinking of the many rituals involved. Y'know, everybody eats froots in their own specific way. Those tangemarines? With me? It's- peel 'em off circularly in one piece. Section into halves so you can pull th' white stringy shit outta the middle. Out the window with that biodegrable white crap! Not th' peel, though. It has STPs on it. Then, section by section we pop 'em in and break th' skin with th' lower front teeth. Fuck, fuck, fuck are tangerines GOOD.
And you can eat all you want! What else is there like that?
how do you eat tangerines!
It's so fucking fascinating- it's like orthinology. All th' ways of eating those froots.
Here's how I eat some other froots:
GRAPES:
Grapes are great! I like to string 'em onto a string like a necklace and then I eat them in reverse, if you get m'meaning. woah! And then pop 'em out one by one! Woo-ha. So chilly and loving.
APPLES! Oh, ho ho! How do you eat apples? Man, what I do is cut a hole in th' side and piss into it just a little.
And let it cure. Maybe I'll have it then! Maybe the plug goes back in and it goes back in th' fruitbowl!
Ghandi got NOTHING on that shit. And don't fucking judge me, pelon. Tell me you've never pissed in a apple and ate it. Shit knocks out heartburn like that.
Woah! What's the next bust in th' froot eating pantheom, damas y caballentes?
MANGOES! A-WAP-BAP-A-LOO-BOP, man.
Hey, enjoy the little fuckers. You know? You know? We gave India nukes and Tallulah Bankhead in exchange for 'em. And our future.
Whatcha do with your mangoes? Any tips?
Here's what I do: I put one under each armpit and do a three-mile run. Then I rub them up and down my ass-crack and over my tanned, athletic perineum and THEN ONLY THEN do I section them with a rusty knife and shove them in my piehole. Ohh, they're heathly that way. Sometimes the smaller ones you can actually get a way enough up your nose for a little brining. Li'l of the ol' brining.
TOP that SHIT.
And yes, what is it that we do with the Humble Plantain, good sirs? Do we peel it and halve it and toast it and serve it with th' butter of the Humble Peanut? No, sirs. We do not. Do we place it fallaciouisly perchance at the creamy and cherry-festooned summit of a percipitious ice cream mountain? No, indeed. No, no, no. Not in these quarters, sirrah.
An insidgion is made in th' stem of the banaina and a steel ring passed through, attached to a small string that has been soaked in glue and rolled in crushed glass.
Banaina is then swallowed whole with the string held at th' mouth and allowed to pass through the upper descriptive system. At the juncture of the Colon to the upper archipelago an incision is made in th' mid-abdomen that permits the babana to be drawn through and out of the chesty clavity. Bleeding should be quickly staunced with burning poker or solution of lye and styptic. Removing the babnaina so that only the string remains, this is then moved back and forth using the withdrawn string and the string issuing from the mouth in a flossing motion.
Froots! EVeryone loves froot. D-DO YOU L-L-LIKE F-FROOT.
Man, that's some funny shit. I deserve happiness. Ha ha ha.