Th' Vagina Dialogues.

Vagina 1: Hey yo, dog. Whattup?

Vagina 2: Yo, yo. Wuzzup?

V1: Not much, yo. Represeh-in', y'know?

v2: Word, yo.

V1: Hey, I like what you've done with your hair.

V2: Thanks, man. I been thinkin' 'bout the corn rows for a while, you know? I dig that shit like Ludacris has it. How'd that pap smear come out you was talkin' about?

V1: Everything good, dog. Thanks for askin'.

V2: It's all good. That shit's nerve-wracking sometimes.

V1: Yeah, you never know, man. It's fucked up. That pap shit. Hey, let's go out for a douche sometime.

V2: Yeah. A-ight, pussy. I'll catch you later.

V1: A-ight, pussy. Good to see you, yo.


Bobby Lightfoot's Three Happy Years Special #2: For Th' Ladies

O.K., chickies- who do we go with?

Chemical Ali?

-always has military grade LSD
-always has Cipro
-good suits
-all his own hair
-hated by Bush et. al, so he can't be all bad, right?


Comical Ali?

-funny guy
-hot uniforms
-will tell you anything you want to hear.
-hated by Bush etc. etc.

Which one's your dream date??

Bobby Lightfoot's Three Happy Years Special #1: Hey, fellows! Which way do yer swing?

Whaddya say? Lindddey England or Jessica Lynch, eh? You want th' wholesome grade school teacher thing or th' cig-hangin', hand-shootin', foul-mouthed getting-pregnant from god-knows-which PFC TRAMP, eh?

What th' fuck, hey? Vote, fumapolios. I'll start it off with a big red check in th' Linddddey England box.

Hey, look at it this way- at least she'd have some weed.

Bobby Lightfoot's Happy Puzzle Corner

Woah! Boy fuckin' howdy! Match the country to its fave traditional beverage! Prizes galore!

Come on. you can do this. Draw right on your monitor.

Russia -------------------------------------------------Saki

Japan -------------------------------------------------Tequila

Greece-------------------------------------------------Human fucking blood

Mexico ------------------------------------------------Wodka!

Chile ---------------------------------------------------Grappa

USA ----------------------------------------------------Retsina

Italy ----------------------------------------------------Pisco