Yes! The Conscription Line Is 'Rounding The Block!

Woah! I'm tired of th' Bobby Lightfoot Memorial Political Activism Knowledge Repository! I'm just going to write about my psychic pain some more.

No, soldiers! We must push on.

One day and I already have many excellent pieces of Knowledge from around our fair country. From Roxtar this wisdom:

1. Study th' Constitution and learn your rights! An excellent, excellent piece of Knowledge that you and I can apply TODAY. Way I see it, Iraq is borrowing ours right now since we're not using it! Woah! Let's take that cocksmoker apart and see what we can learn.

2. Becoming less dependent on fossil fuels by adopting more alternative energy in our communities. I fuckin' LOVE it. This is an excellent little dagger to th' heart of the Military Industrial Decidedly Un Complex. I'm going to read up on that shit. I've already read how the forward-thinking people in Europe are adopting sell-back programs where people install solar panels on th' power company's dime and sell power BACK TO 'EM. That's MY kind of America. The kind that's like Europe! Read up!

3. Grow a Big Ass Garden. Dude, America needs more big ass gardens like Denmark needs more Bear Porn.

No, seriously- what a fucking fine bit of Knowledge. Any time that you raise somethin' up out of the ground and don't pay taxes on it that's like slamming Th' Man's dick in the door of a '77 Pinto, droogies. Fantastic idea. That's what I love so much about Marihuana. That and the whole wow-I-never-knew-a-grapefruit-could-be-so-good thing. Roxtar: 1 Polesmoking Neocon Felcheteer Robber Baron Scumbags: 0.

4. GET A BICYCLE. Oh, my sweet fucking Christ! See what I mean? There's obvious, good Knowledge everywhere you god damn turn. When I was in m' twenties I got everywhere on my bike and I was cut like a fuckin' side of beef and I could hold a high "C" for twenty god damn seconds and I could fuck like an insane, rutting Dingo 'neath the gibbous Outback moon.

Friends, Romans- clearly one of the most immediate effects we can have on The fucking Man is to use less of his black tar fuckin' smack every day. You know it, I know it. Every time you get from A to B without using shitty fossil fuels, well, it's like you finally found Mother Nature's G-spot and she's sobbing with gratitude. She's like oh, after 50,000 years...finally...and lovingly slapping your face in mock indignation that it took you so long, friend.

I think Rockstar is readying for a jump off th' fuckin' grid at a moment's notice. A wise choice.

All we really have to do is something though, right now. I know that eminent and well-considered fellow Adorable Girlfriend is concerned about th' Davidian-ness about it but what I'm really trying to put across is that if all of us make the political process a physical part of our lives that'll be that first little step towards getting our fuckin' place back. And hopefully the fact that a lot of it is just an appeal for Knowledge for me is coming across too. I just want to do some votin' and knowing the elections are good and some writin' and callin' and bitching and going to them god damn town meetings because those little meetings in little towns all over the country is literally where th' future of the planet is being decided and debated. That is where people are figuring out if they're going to worship th' dollar or the idea of a good future for their children.

That man that we all know as an erudite and catholic-lower-case-c fellow, th' Viscounte, suggests

5. Engaging people. Yeah, man. Because all of any of these idiots know about the horrible mess that's going down is all that fuckin' Hannity drivel and all that. And they don't realize that the fucking instant the media gets owned by widgeteers it's pretty much a fucking joke. Something to make you buy a Massengil Doosh or a fucking Twinkie, you know?

That's a lot of Knowledge Reposited for just the first day of th' Bobby Lightfoot Memorial Political Activism Knowledge Repository.

So, somebody tell me- what are the mechanics of most effectively calling a state representative? I mean, aside from pulling them into an alley and holding a scissor to their crotch. I know somebody knows this.

Onward! Th' fuck!


Th' Bobby Lightfoot Memorial Political Activism Knowledge Repository

What the fuck! It's gettin' serious! I keep thinking The Final Battle will be simple, with Us charging them across a razor-wire strewn field with Springfield carbines and cigars 'twixt our teeth. That I can hang with, man. Dodgin' bullets, plunging my bayonet into some fuckin' Rapturist or some god damn lobbyist. Up over th' wire, baby, blowing a fence with one of those tubey bombs like at Normandy. Goin' down in a 40 cal. spray, knowing I've been a little cog in Th' Machine Of Tomorrow, knowing my blood won't be spilled in vain.

It's really dawning on me that it isn't going to be that easy. And I can't fuckin' write songs about it. I just don't have the touch. My anger ends at my instrument and singing about getting out of Iraq now and fuckin' not assraping the planet for dimes just doesn't sound right when crooned to a Bacharachesque bed of cellos and pianos and 5 part harmonies.

I, we, need some simple fuckin' knowledge. I think a lot of us just need to know what to do to make ourselves heard in the sort of numbers that mean anything. I'm going to go out on a limb here and maybe set just the tinyest precedent by saying, hey, I'm a member of this community and I need to know some shit I can do.

A lot of people taken together equals a lot of knowledge, you know? I mean like 20th century-style knowledge. Not this "truthy" wikipedia fuckin' crap. I mean like big boy knowledge. All the grassroots shit. Numbers you can call. A way you can stay abreast of demonstrations and fuckin' be in them instead of just driving by and honking and wishing you'd known.

And I'm not talking about this fuckin' PETA crap either, where you do some crap or put a sticker on a gas pump that sez welcome to the republican economy and then the fuckin' poor retarded dude who makes fi'-fifty an hour has to fucking lick it off and the god damn station only makes one tenth of a fuckin' penny a gallon anyway.

Don't get me wrong; if you want to drop a fucking cap in any of our so-called leaders, dude, you can sleep in my basement, you know? These people are darker beings than I could conjure in my pussy-ass little nightmares. Change is never fuckin' easy. And the way things are going it's starting to look like harmless statements like th' one above could actually land a dickdangler in actual trouble. Look for martial law, my country gentlemen. And I don't mean by '15 or '16. I mean next week. It's What's Next, right? I'm talking tribunals and review boards and complete suspension of civil liberties.

Man, they've been plotting this shit since old Dickface there turned us into a third-world country with beggars and everything in the 80's. Sweet. And these Roves and Cheneys and Wolfershitzels looked up and they were like woah, people are actually falling for this crazy, talentless old man and his nursing home ravings. If we could get some completely helpless retard into the Oval Orifice we could turn this whole country into a money printing machine until it just rolls right off the showroom floor and through the plate glass window and we'll be sitting safe and sound in MacMunchen.

And they were very patient and very cunning, cunning in the way people who get rich by turning a turd into a slightly prettier turd are. Cunning in the way people who get rich by turning ten fuckin' clams into $10.03 are. Yeah, you remember- we knew these guys in school, man. They're all in their fuckin' 40's and 50's, man. I remember Phillip Savoy and how I grabbed his glasses and stomped them in the locker room because I KNEW he was going to be pulling America's brain out through its nose in 30 years, man.

And now it's all this. See how they did it? We're like fuckin' Indians and we've just realized it would probably be a really good idea to kill all the guys that rode in on that ship with the weird sails. We have to drag ourselves out of our smoke lodges and marvel at the white man's medicine, and can we master th' white man's medicine?

Sure th' fuck we can.

See, with Th' Bobby Lightfoot Memorial Political Activism Knowledge Repository everybody can just fuckin' write in with some shit you can do or what Th' Man's fuckin' phone number is or if you Only Make 22 K a year here's the one cause or campaign you should actually fuckin' break down and donate your polesmokin' fifty spot to.

Actually, all I really want is to know some stupid things I can fucking do instead of taking it out on myself. You know, the sort of thing that's stupid until a million fuckin' people do it and then suddenly it's markedly unstupid.

I'm starting Th' Bobby Lightfoot Memorial Political Activism Knowledge Repository right here in this blog entry on ?????? ??? ???, '06. I will link back to it every couple of days.

Congresspeople's phone numbers, man. What you can do with email campaigns and th' web and all that crap. See, I'm in the god damn dark and I'm ADMITTING IT right now so maybe a light can be shone. I think everybody's like me, waiting for a sign that's never going to come until we all have to move to Antwerp and then we can't and suddenly we're in these cattle cars going to Texas.

Where are the corporate-owned billboards you can spraypaint IMPEACH on at 3 in th' morning? Where are pissed-off people getting together around this great land? All we have to do is do what the fuckin' guys with the weird sails did. That crazy white man's medicine.

A lot of people, just waiting. And we can all read this crap and figure out where to start with this fuckin' thing. All this is going to be starting up now, as the balance of our government tips from merely Criminally Reprehensible to How The Fuck Did This Happen. It's all going to start up because we suddenly have a government that tortures and imprisons people in scores and engages the world without conscience. We have a government that is allowing the country to crumble from the inside out and the more common your common man is the more obvious it is to him as the place literally crumbles, man. Streets and power grids and schools and everything, just rotting and looking ill-kempt like that neighborhood your mom told you to never walk through. And that sour desperate little knot you get every morning as you turn on the news. And how we all stand around and shrug our shoulders at the rest of the world while our government opposes ceasefires in wars that are killing civilians and children way, way into the hundreds. And convenes at 2AM on a Friday to hammer th' fucking Paris Hilton tax into the Minimum Wage Bill.

I really hate these fucking guys. I really want to for once be involved in a winning venture. Everything I've ever done has been a brilliant failure. I've never even worked for a company in my pre-stardom days that wasn't a fuckin' quintillion dollars in the red except when I fixed fucking Defense computers in San Diego. No, those guys were well, well into Profitability. And stupid enough to give me a Secret clearance. Fuckin' earnest, bespectacled little baby killers. Tell you what; I might be poor forever but I'll never ever suck a fucking tenth of a fucking centime out of being a Schrader Valve in the Baby Killing Machine.

And honestly it's opening up that same old wound being on The Losing Team. Fucking up like this? Blowing it the way we are?

This isn't just some screed, man. I don't want some kooky neo-something conspiracy website. I want to get together the sort of knowledge that hard-working, tax-paying, good-healthcare- wanting adults can have access to so they can make activism something they can feel a part of and give a little bit of time to. Because seriously, you know how it is. If a ton of people do one fucking little stupid thing it's important all of a sudden. Look at how these guys zeroed in on the Christer Demographic. The timing was admirable.

Th' Bobby Lightfoot Memorial Political Activism Knowledge Repository. Submit early and often. When th' blog is up link to it. And tell people who know some shit to write in. Dude, just start with a phone number or something. It seems like common enough knowledge that all this crap starts up locally, too. I think that's were it's at. They just got that new god damn school council in Kansas today, man. It's tiny and then there it is all over the "news".

I'm telling you, man- all this is going to be starting up now. The Middle East is going to go Code Red and we're going to up to our fucking chests in it. And if you think Iraq is bad, oh, man. Iraq is going to look like th' invasion of Panama when we start getting into Syria and Leb and then it's a faceoff with Iran or Korea coming up and our brilliant strategy involves this goofy little back-rubbing, pigroast-anticipating, pretzel-horking cunt of a man standing there and going betcha won't...betcha won't...you won't hit us with those fucking weapons we sold you that you actually manufactured and THEN we sold them to you. And meanwhile Stateside no one who has less than ten million dollars need do anthing but fuck out cannon fodder.

If you think I'm being alarmist or kooky just pull your head out of your ass, man.

Heartbreak is a lover's game/Like a cold, cold rain

Yeah, boy. Wooo-hooo. Boy polesmokin' howdy. So, I posted a cool demo I did of New York songwriter Joe Cifarelli's superlative "Heartbreak" a bit of a time ago and pulled it seein' as it's making the rounds and it ain't my writing to do with as I please. Joe has th' ears of a lot of industry folk and I've just got that hit-making Midas touch so it's a good collab. Joe assures me that it's copyrighted and everything so I shall now repost it to th' delectation of dozens. Good stuff. Christ, I can't remember the last time I copyrighted anything. See, the Library Of Congress can basically do Ajax lines off my fuckin' scrote. They're part of the government so I'm not giving them either of my hard-earned motherfuckin' dollars.

If you want to steal my shit have fuckin' at it as far as I'm concerned. You'll just be shooting yourself in the foot: I've been commercial suicide longer than Brintey Schmears has been alive, man. Have at. Christ. I'll give you th' URL. You wanna make some money in this biz just fart in a bottle and have big fake tits. Stay the fuck away from my commercial nonviability, that's for sure.

And yeah, you're right. I guess I do sort of like it that way. Sure, I have to live in torture and die in ignominy but hey, that's pretty much everybody's story, right? What's that? It isn't? Hey, you know what seems like a cool band for youngsters? Take Back Sunday. Lead singer is really, really funny.

Anyway, so I'm doing a couple more things for Cifarelli, a pretty, poignant bluesy thing called "Rollin' And Tumblin'" that I'm treating to a sort of Stevie Wonder-by-way-of-"Still Crazy" Rhodes-led vibe and a very bluesy take of th' Robert Johnson story called "Delta Blues" that is getting a chickin lickin' acoustic slide to Zeppelin stomp whisper-to-a-scream sort of thing.

Will slap them up pronto. So, yeah- here's

"Heartbreak" by Joe Cifarelli.

Didn't work? Of course it didn't. Try this crap.


Sal Th' Feist: 8

Blow out th' candles, Sal. Yes, there are presenties.