Things To Do Besides Watching Television

1. Lie down and have someone pour a large pitcher of liquid shit into your mouth.

2. Develop total dependency on heroin. Then you can have Social Interaction with th' Pusherman and th' pigs.

3. See "1".

4. Go knife some Sihks to protect us from terrorism.

5. Start your own reality show: "Life". Film it with your mind's eye.

6. See "1".

7. Abuse an animal.

8. See if you can fuck yourself. Hey, it could happen!

9. Go drinking and driving.

10. Throw yourself in front of a bus.

11. Filet and pan-fry your frontal lobes.


Speaking Of Renal Function

The Malarians were opening for The Lyres many, many years ago at Pearl Street Basement in Northampton. Must've been '88.

Fuckin' guitarist got ripped. Ripped. Guy was more pissed than Jeff Connolly was that Halloween at TT The Bears in Cambridge when he was wearing this cat mask and actually drooling he was so fuckin' bombed.

This would have been Danny McCormack. Played a Lyre-shaped Danelectro and did the timed-to-the-drums tremolo thing that was always arresting.

Towards th' end of their set McCormack stumbles over to the side of the stage, whips out his flesh lyre and takes a piss right off the stage.

After the show the fuckhead club manager is of course livid and threatens to withhold the McCormack's pay.

Drummer Johnny Bernardo, later of The Upper Crust, steps up and offers to mop it up if he can have McCormack's pay.

And that, my friends, is just a hint of th' Glamour.


You guys read that "Rabbit At Rest" by Updike?

There's a scene where Rabbit hooks up with this old lady on a cruise and they go back to his room but they're both so old that they've done everything so many times so they get in the bathtub and piss on each other.

I feel like that about music sometimes.


Let's Measure Pasta

Serves 1-4

Serves 18

Serves 252

Serves 56,564,343

Serves 878

Serves 343,549,023,567,875

Serves 6,544,390

Serves 1

Serves 567,454,833,368,343,650,301,556,898

Serves .00000004