"Hey, Baby," in the words of John Doe and Exene Cervenka, "it's the Fourth of July." That being said, and all things being equal (that seems apropos) I want to do the American Thing and STATE VERY SUCCINCTLY AND CLEARY where I come down on a couple of thorny issues, yeah?
First off- I don't know why these wankers in Congress see fit to try, at this sensitive juncture in our nation's history, to draft legislation on fag burning. FAG BURNING IS WRONG, PEOPLE. What the fuck? Huh? We have to ARGUE about this? What's with the fag burning? COME ON. Jesus. People are using this to express dissatisfaction with our country's admittedly STUPID FUCKING DESTRUCTIVE POLICIES???? Huh??
DO I ACTUALLY HAVE TO POINT OUT THAT BURNING HOMOSEXUALS ISN'T GOING TO SOLVE A GOD DAMN THING?? WHAT, TWO WRONGS MAKE A RIGHT??? IMMOLATING GAYS IS GOING TO BRING BACK OUR VIETNAM DEAD??? EH???
Jesus. Leave the gays ALONE. It's bad enough they can't get married except in god damn Utah.
What's this with pulling the funding for Public Broad Casting? Again- we actually have to argue about whether our hard earned tax dollars should be spent on throwing women around??? In a public square??
Are we actually funding this now??
I mean, are our values so skewed that some of the less enlightened among us think it is appropriate to hurl the fairer sex hither and yon? IT'S NOT RIGHT. IT'S NOT RIGHT TO THROW WOMEN, YOU FREAKS. Emma Goldman is whirling in her grave like a shishkabob hooked up to a 5.9 Hemi, baby.
IT'S BAD ENOUGH OUR HARD-EARNED TAX DOLLARS ARE BEING USED TO OVERTHROW THE SHAH OF IRAQ. JUMPIN' JIMINY CHRISTMAS, BAT MAN. AND BALL BOY.
BAT MAN AND BALL BOY. HYOOK. GLERP.
This is perhaps China, eh, is it? Perchance this is the Emirate of Bielorusia? No, it ain't dog. THIS IS THE GOD DAMN U.S. OF A. AND IF I SEE ANOTHER BROAD BEING CAST I'M GOING TO GO CONGRESSIONAL ON SOMEBODY'S ASS.
'Nuff said! Fuck oh dear! Does the 'Foot have to be put down on this? Am I gonna have to put the 'Foot down? Huh? Holy Studded Strapon of Turin, Bat Man and Ball Boy!! It's like we're in the Middle Ages with this shit! Did Saint Teresa Of Avila have to endure being chucked about the public square at...at...um, Avila? Holy jerky finger relic under glass!! Snap Into A Slim Jim, people!! Just Snap The Fuck In!! I think Not!! Did the Elizabethans throw, um, Elizabeth about The Court at Wimbledon? Answer please----
And that's about where I'm coming from on this crappy crap. God damn it. Mmm. Good coffee tonight, yo.
Let's all remember this fourth of July WHAT GOD DAMN COUNTRY WE'RE IN. It ain't the Middle East, dog. It ain't the Sultinate of Onan, you know? Let's enjoy the fireworks and the presents and the trickee treating and dancing around the Straw Man. And let's leave the fag burning and broad casting to those heathens in god damn Wisconsin. Fuckin' A!!
On a lighter note (no pun intended)------ had a whee of a time at Jingo Acres this lovely weekend. Everyone was just grand. We blew up all this stuff and got to see a lot of dope Mobberly crap. Big thanks to the Jingo crew and my wonderful mater Orangina Lightfoot and Wonder Woman and the kids and dogs and all. Neddie bought a hundred clams of the fines' Chinese mortar rounds and we danced nekkid around a huge bonfire of showers of sparks. I feel like a boy again. Without the Catholic Priests this time.