Bobby Lightfoot's Dick Cheney Death Watch 3.22.07

Well, well, well! So how goes it with Mr. Sucking-The-Marrow-From-Little-Children's-Bones this here week? Well, I know for sure that Shit Head made another visit to his evil Doktor regarding the pustulence in his necrotic shitleg.

There seems to be, I am afraid to report, no major developments therefrom as far as a nice dirt nap for Mr. S.T.M.F.L.C.B.

Since I personally am never farther away than one Fox News crawl to just borrowing my neighbor's scoped .22 and just driving down there and offing this evil cocksucking piece of shit we will give him a Condition Orange today.

Let's hope his leg rots off and that he eats it and dies soon. I don't neccesarily want his slime on my hands.

Furthermore, let us all collectively pray that Mrs. Edward's cancer metastasizes right out of her undeserving bones and settles right in his fucking nutsack and makes a beeline for his brain.

Where it fucking belongs.

Prayer works! Let's call it a Faith-Based Initiative!

Here we see the courageous and selfless Mrs. Edwards shooting cancer vibes out of her finger in the direction of the White House. Huzzah!

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One Of My Greatest Struggles

Republican Shit Head Of The Day Inhofe
Despite my greatest efforts to be a reasoned and insightful guy I am daily pushed further down the path towards the simple belief that conservatives are by and large bad people and liberals are generally better.

It just seems like poor conservatives are stupid and rich ones are patently unable to do anything but lie and make other people's lives worse to their own enrichment.

The lot of them seem to exist for not much reason that I can ascertain. In 1999 I'd just avoid detailed conversations with them. In this day and age I have to remind myself that everything exists in degrees and to come across a more classic variety of conservative is an almost nostalgic experience. These guys I could hang with. Certainly not to th' polling place but far enough to break bread, you know?

What we've suffered from in this country since 2001 is sort of a cult of non-personality. I mean, our leaders seem like such a cabal of pudgy, bland, beset-with-the-complaints-of-late-old-age corporateers that it's almost impossible to conceive that they're as flat-out evil and repugnant and stupid as they are.

I'm really tired of watching them destroy families and get people killed by the hundreds of thousands. Also, I'm tired of being considered a coward because I have a problem with sending the cherished children of complete strangers off to die for nothing. Would giving that the thumbs-up constitute bravery? Explain.

Also, explain why we should be suspicious about a regime that would consider using tax revenues for providing social benefits to poor Americans and not be suspicious of a regime that considers it a higher good to use the public moneys to kill brown folk by the hundreds of thousands. I'm fucking waiting. The hypocrisy and evil fuckin' rebounds on itself until it's like you're playing raquetball with a big steel pellet in a 4X4 rubber room.

I'm looking forward to the next several months. At best it will do for modern conservatism and neoconservatism and the implied credo of Money-Over-Everything what the collapse of the Soviet Union did for communism. Maybe it'll just be something we had to go through for the greater good.

And let's remember- LET'S REMEMBER WITH GREAT PREJUDICE that this whole shitwave rolled in on a tide of "Moral Valyooz".

It's one of my greatest struggles. And it comes at a time of great upheaval and crisis for me. And I sort of don't fucking appreciate that. This is th' time when I'm supposed to be getting my ducks in a row for th' back forty and instead I'm struttin' and screechin' from one booze-soaked juke joint to another because the THOUGHT OF PARTICIPATING IN THE WHOLE THING makes me want to eat some delicious glass. I can't picture being th' fuck in it, man. I know, I KNOW I'll pay but maybe there's a way without being IN IT. IN IT.

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another excellent poetry tribute: e.e. cummings (By Robert Lightfoot)

and don't show them the shiny

silver dollars


Bobby Lightfoot's Socratic Method of Fuckin' Reasoning Week: Tuesday

Let us consider that you are a person who, in our free and open society, makes the legal and reasonable choice to keep their feces in a large jar under their bed. Let us henceforth surmise that in times of stress you find relaxation and release in removing said feces from the jar and rubbing it upon your face and about your person.

Let us for an instant consider that while rubbing the feces that you have removed from the jar upon your face and person you are seized with a sudden desire to stand on a stool and back up against a large bronze hook on the wall, kick the stool out and hang yourself rectally from the hook.

Strictly, strictly for the purposes of this academic exercise let us for a moment consider that while you hang rectally from the bronze (in this instance) hook covered in feces everyone else in the room decides to play Stratego.

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A William Carlos Williams Tribute By Robert Lightfoot

I am sorry that I ate the pudding and blamed it on the child
I am sorry that I taught the little dog to attack the cat with a silent command
I'm sorry that I watched "Faces Of Death" with the baby
I am sorry that I masturbated on the kitchen counter and forgot to clean it up
And I'm sorry I wiped my crank on the curtains
In the foyer

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Bobby Lightfoot's Socratic Method of Fuckin' Reasoning Week: Monday

Let's consider for a moment that you are a rich, wrinkled fuck. Let's consider that you have amassed a wealth beyond wealth, a wealth that could fund the building of a fucking planet. Let's consider for the briefest of instants that you totter hither and yon turning your sick fuckin' dollar fifty into a dollar fifty two at a rate of a million times a second.

Let's consider for a moment that you smoke pole. Nay, let us further conjecture that you are to smoking pole what Russell was to mathematics, what JSB was to music. And, if I might be allowed the development and conclusion of my conceit, let us further consider that you smoke pole by the fucking supertanker load. You are like a one man fuckin' pole export boom. Fortunes rise and fall based on the fecundity of your daily bouts of smoking pole; lands and cities flourish or are abandoned and levelled and left to th' sere 'n' churning desert windzzz.

Let us, in conclusion, consider that your polesmoking futures are bought and sold and reported on th' Pole Industrial fuckin' Average. The only thing you do more than smoke pole in biblical proportions is turn your sick dollar fifty into a dollar fifty two at a rate of a million times a second!

Would there not be an implicit assumption that it would be appropriate to refer to you as a sick, polesmoking billionaire? To perhaps utter the phrase "human liver stain polesmoking evil rich sick old bag of shit" if ever called upon to briefly encapsulate who you are?

Would it not be apt to briefly consider this?

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